X-Mas

Christmas is finally over. I have to say, this has perhaps been the best Christmas I’ve had in a while, and this is why:

First, I found humor at the one church service I’ve gone to all year. In one of the gifts from my mother, there was a Canadian dime. How that made it into the package, no one knows. For some reason, I found it real god damn funny when I threw that into the collection plate during the service. It’s the first time I’ve donated money to a church, but they can’t even use it. I’m just picturing the pastor sorting the money, coming across the Canadian dime, and cursing like a sailor.

Secondly, we’ve been in our apartment for a year now. Last year, at this time, we didn’t have everything unpacked and it felt less like a home. This year, we had the tree set-up and it was our first Christmas together in our own place.

Thirdly, There were many gifts under the tree. Last year, we didn’t have a lot of money, so I wasn’t able to get Samantha very much. It felt great to be able to give so much. We were also able to give our family and friends a little more than we had in the past. Sure, it’s good to receive, but this year, I enjoyed the giving part a lot more. And to those friends reading this who normally receive gifts from me, or to those who just got married, your gifts are coming. I’m just a slow bastard when it comes to getting to the post office, and you’ll just have to live with it.

Fourthly, I received great gifts. Yes, I know I just said the giving was better, and it was, but it’s still nice to get a few good things. Here is what I personally received: $75 cash, $20 Barnes and Noble gift card, a sweater, a Far Side desk calendar, A DeWalt cordless drill, a pair of Grinch boxer shorts, Media Manager software for PSP, Killzone Liberation game for PSP, and a 1:18 scale WWII-era German anti-tank cannon for my G.I. Joe collection. There were a few gifts for both Samantha and I which were: A rice steamer, a full set of bath towels, a set of really nice coasters, a candle, a $25 Target Gift card, a Christmas ornament, and a book full of tasty cocktail recipes.

Fifthly, I ate at the Texas Roadhouse. That’s the place to go if you want a damn good steak. I was looking forward to the 16 ounce prime rib, and it did not disappoint. Normally, I wouldn’t eat that much meat in one sitting, but I don’t get to go there often, so I cram as much beef down as I can while I’m there.

Lastly, my mom and I went shopping at a few places this morning. The day after Christmas is usually accompanied by maddening crowds of assholes all trying to push themselves closer to the rack of 50% off wrapping paper and assorted trinkets. At both Target and Wal-Mart, the aisles were near empty. I’m not sure if it was the snow still on the ground, but something kept people from going crazy, and I was thankful for that.

Of course, there were a few negative occurrences this last week. There was the blizzard. There was the walk 2 miles through the snow to get a goddamn turkey. There was me losing my keys somewhere in that 2 miles. Shit happens though, and I can forget all that because the rest of the time was grand.

I’m quite sure that all of this Christmas cheer will wash off of me in a day or two, and then I’ll be back to the selfish, angry, insensitive individual most of you know me as. Until then, I hope that all of you had a great Christmas.

Happy New Year…….Bitches.

When you don't have to care

Having a second job that you don't really really need has its benefits. The main one being: I don't have to give a shit. It feels good to not have to worry about impressing the bosses or saying the right things to keep the job. If I get fired tomorrow, it doesn't matter. It really is a liberating feeling. I called in sick 2 days in a row. I really was sick the first day. I didn't feel like going in the second day.

This freedom I have is going to come in handy tomorrow when I talk to the store manager. This week's schedule came out on Saturday. The week starts on Sunday so it's not like they give us much time to plan our week anyway. On that schedule, I was to start work tonight at 5. On that schedule, I had tomorrow night (Wednewsday) off. On that schedule, I had this next Saturday off. I came in today after being sick the last 2 days to find my schedule completely changed. Now I had to work at 6:30 tonight instead of 5. I have Thursday night off instead of Wednesday, and I have to work Saturday.

Any place of employment that changes a schedule like this without asking or telling the employee about the change isn't worth working at. It's unethical and, quite frankly, a piece of shit thing to do. So I'm going to talk to the the store manager tomorrow. Tim is his name. I may just call him Timmy and see how he handles it. I'll tell Timmy that I'll accept the Wednesday/Thursday change, but there's no way in hell I'm working Saturday. It's not that I've made any plans, but it's the principle of the matter. Timmy can take me off the schedule for Saturday or Timmy can become enraged when I tell him to kiss my ass.

People say that one isn't supposed to burn bridges when leaving a job, but at the same time, employers aren't supposed to change employee's shedules at a whim and expect them to alter the rest of their lives to fit. If I burn this bridge, so what? Libraries aren't going to need a reference from ToysRUs. I've got almost ten years worth of perfect employment history that speaks for itself.

It feels so damn good to not have to give a shit.

FIRE!!

It's 5 A.M. and I'm awake, so this has to be worth writing about.

Samanha woke me up about a half hour ago because she smelled smoke. I could hear the smoke alarm going off in the apartment below us. Long story really short: The idiot below us came home drunker than shit and passed out while trying to cook a chicken.

Apparrently it was a small fire. The fire department is here now and doesn't seem too concerned.

Sure, accidents happen, but what I'm pissed about is that wer'e living above a guy who doesn't have enough common sense to not cook while drunk. I'm living above an alcoholic college-aged guy who could have easily destryoed my entire life tonight. What about tomorrow night, or the next? What's going to keep this stupid fuck from endangering our lives again in the future? He's only been here in that apartment for one week. One week and he's almost killed people through drunken idiocy.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS FUCKING DORM HALL BEHAVIOR.

Now my apartment is full of smoke, and we have all the doors and windows open to clear it out. It's 28 god damn degrees outside, and I have to sit here with all the doors and windows open.

That son of a bitch is lucky he's surrounded by a bunch of firemen, otherwise I'd kick his fucking ass right now. I'm seriously considering punching him in the face anyway. My next blog could be describing what a night in jail is like, but it would be worth it to break this fucker's face open.

The firemen are in our apartment now with a big ass fan. Apparrently the jackas sis headed to the hospital to get treated for his smoke inhallation and asthma issues. Thankfully there is a little justice done this night.

I still have a blog?! Well Shit!!

I haven't posted in quite a while, mostly because I've just been a lazy bastard.

Actually that's not entirely true. I say I'm a lazy bastard, and I indeed am when I have free time, but I'm working two jobs right now, so that in itself means I'm not too terribly lazy.

Just so everybody knows, working at ToysRUs the day after Thanksgiving blows ass. Every other day there has been fine, but Black Friday was a piece of shit. I have worked long shifts before, but TRU made everyone work a 12 hour shift. In all my years of employent, this 12 hour shift was a 1st, and I've worked construction jobs. What really got on my nerves was the 30 minute lunch. They could have had the decency to give us an hour. Oh well, that paycheck will be nice and hefty which means I'll be able to buy Samantha the Christmas gift I want to get her. Sometimes sacrifices have to be made. See, I really am a nice guy.

Generally I wouldn’t waste my precious time to talk about food and drink, but today is different. Today is different because today follows yesterday. And yesterday, I tasted what I can only describe as the vilest soda ever produced by mankind.

I’m sure you’re all familiar with the Jones Soda Co. They make some damn fine sodas. For Halloween they actually had Candy Corn Soda, which was tasty. They also produce boxed sets of limited sodas around the holidays. A week ago I picked up a set of sodas highlighting deserts. They were all fantastic. There was Cherry Pie, Banana Crème Pie, Blueberry Pie, Key Lime Pie, and Apple Pie.

Then there was the boxed set titled: Holiday Pack. Samantha wanted to try it. I looked at the flavors and warned her not to buy them. She heeded not my warning and bought it anyway. She cracked one of them open last night and offered me a sip. I have a strong stomach and can handle pretty much any food or beverage. The Sweet Potato Soda however, almost caused me to puke on the living room floor. Yes, you heard me correctly. Jones Soda had the grand idea of Sweet Potato Soda. You may be sitting there imaging how horrible this actually tastes. I can guarantee you that it tastes worse than anything you could ever imagine.

I have to give Jones Soda credit for making these sodas taste exactly what they’re supposed to taste like. There will be no argument from me that the Sweet Potato Soda doesn’t taste like sweet potatoes.

Fortunately for me, Samantha tried a bottle from this set 2 nights ago when I wasn’t home. She tried the Pea Soda and told me it was worse than the Sweet Potato Soda. How a bottle of liquid filth can taste worse than another bottle of liquid filth is beyond me. There are still 3 bottles from this set left in our fridge. What I have left to look forward to are these wonderful flavors: Turkey and Gravy Soda, Dinner Roll Soda, and Antacid Flavored Soda. I think it’s ironic that the antacid flavored soda will probably give me gut-wrenching stomach cramps.

I’m one lucky son of a bitch.

As I finished typing that last sentence, Sam opened the bottle of Turkey and Gravy Soda. It's not near as bad as the sweet potato, but it's bad enough that Sam got a big glass of water to act as a chaser.

I would have prefered a chaser of Captain Morgan, but apparently, even the Captain is keeping the fuck away from this soda.

On most Mondays, I'd give you all a rundown of DVDs being released tomorrow, but I don't want to right now. All I'll say is that Superman Returns is being released tomorrow, and frankly, it dissapointed me. I'm not going to buy it, so that has to say something.

Peace out bitches.

Today is certainly NOT a good day.

My pal Andy said it was a good day on his blog because the Democratic party essentially made Tuesday's election its bitch.

At least in Colorado, the election was a farce due to Referendum I. You see, the purpose of Referendum I was to create a category called "Domestic Partnerships" so that gays and lesbian could share the same legal rights as married couples. I'm talking about basic legal rights that couples are allowed to share if they're heterosexual. It isn't marriage, it's just basic legal rights for crying out loud.

I'm pissed because it shouldn't have even been an issue. We live in a country where everyone is SUPPOSED to be equal. If a black man or a woman doesn't a job, then he or she can sue because he or she wasn't treated "equally." Everyone is so goddamed happy to live in a country where everyone is equal and where everyone shares the same opportunities.

So why the fuck did Referendum I fail? Why the fuck did these whites, and blacks, and men, and woman, and rich, and poor, ALL of whom demand equal rights for themselves, vote against a Referendum to give others the rights they have?

WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST LET OTHER PEOPLE BE FUCKING EQUAL? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME ONE LOGICAL REASON WHY GIVING OTHERS BASIC LEGAL RIGHTS HAS ANY FUCKING EFFECT ON YOUR OWN PATHETIC LIVES?

It baffles me so much that I can't even begin to comprehend why this is even an issue, let alone why it wouldn't pass. And it angers me. Ignorance and intolerance on this level is not only upsetting, but it's unforgiveable.

Let's face it: Gays are the new Blacks. Nowadays, people look back at the Civil Rights movement and say, "How could those people have thought that Blacks were any different? Of course they deserve the same rights." Replace the word "Blacks" with "Gays" and you'll have a statement that people will be saying 40 years from now. In 2050, people will look at this era with shame because we still didn't have the sense to learn from our past and continued to treat certain groups of people like 2nd class citizens. And that pisses me off too.

Gays and lesbians can't get married. This seems odd to me since convicted murderers serving multiple life sentences can get married while in jail. So why can't gay people marry? No matter if you agree with gays and their lifestyle or not, you have to at least admit that it doesn't seem very fair when put like that now does it?

Colorado is a fairly liberal state and if we can't get laws like that passed here, what hope does this country have for equal rights anytime soon?

And no, I didn't vote, but Referendum I failed by such an amount that even if I had waited in line for 2 hours in the 30 minutes I had between jobs, the result would have been the same. And no matter if 20,000 more people voted, it honestly wouldn't have mattered because, statistically speaking, the yes/no percentage would have been the same within those 20,000 people. I just lhave to live with the fact that the majority of the population doesn't give a fucking shit about anyone other than themselves.

I'm so unbelieveably angry right now that I can't even make joke out of any of this. This election was a joke.

Fuck You Colorado. Fuck all of you.

You ever feel like you're being watched?

I've been at National Jewish for over a year and a half now. I'm a damn good employee. I consistently get all my work done before the deadlines I'm given. I handle every single library patron with respect, no matter how rude they are.

Sure, I browse the internet from time to time. I sit at a computer all day, so of course I'm going to look around when I have spare time when I really have nothing else to do. it's not like I can leave the desk to do other projects. My job is to sit at the desk and help patrons. My internet habits have been the same for the last 18+ months.

So, I think it's odd that a few weeks after I make a posting on the idocy if the IS department, I get a call from Bob in the IS department. This is what he said:
"We've been monitoring your internet usage. You've been looking at EBay alot. You're going to have to tone that down a notch."

Now, I can understand the concern if I wasn't getting my job done. What bothers me is that Bob is the last person who should be lecturing me on work ethics. The purpose of the IS dept. is to help people with their IS needs, naturally. EVERY time I contact the IS department for help, I get a speedy response, often within an hour. Hell, earlier this week, someone showed up in 15 minutes. Well, I always get a speedy response except when it's Bob who answers the call. Someone needed help with the wireless connection today. Bob is in charge of that. Bob was called at 9:15 AM. The person who needed the connection waited for help until noon and then left pissed off. Bob called me a 2:15 P.M. And, Bob's solution was one he could have done in about 2 minutes while the patron was still in the God Damned library.

Other people in the IS department complain that he never answers his work phone. I've heard NUMEROUS people say he's an arrogant asshole. Combine that with his general lazy-ass, no pride attitude in his job and you've got a man who has no right lecturing me.

He probably sat there in front of his computer monitoring MY internet usage while the patron that needed help was waiting anxiously for his help.

Yeah Bob, maybe you're reading this. I don't give a shit. You can try to make my life there hell. You can cut off my internet access. But, since I'll comply with your request today and cut out the EBay searching, you'll have no right to do so. You can try to use this blog as evidence against me, but I'm writing this at 10:30 PM in my apartment, not at work. Freedom of speech is a glorious thing isn't it?

Let's just consider this a truce huh Bob? I'll cut down on the internet usage you deem innapropriate. I'll also continue to keep my mouth shut and not say a word when you chit chat with Shandra for 30 minutes about non-work related items. I'll continue to not say negative words against you to my co-workers. I'll continue to treat you with respect that you may or may not deserve.

And, just for your reference Bobbo, I do have breaks and luchtime that I'll use to search on EBay if I feel so damn inclined. I have a question for you as well: Who the hell monitors YOUR internet usage? Can I?

And with that, I'll move on to me.

Money is a tad tight right now. All my friends reading this know how that goes. None of my friends are wealthy. Having to give Denver University a large chunk of cash here next week is going to make things a bit rough for a month or two. I didn't really want to do it, but I turned in an application for a second job. A seasonal job mind you, so it would be over right after Christmas, which is when classes begin again for me. I only turned in one application and that's all I'm going to do. if I don't get this seasonal job, then finances are just going to have to stay tight for a few months. I'm not going to bust my ass to try to find a job that will only last 7 weeks. Once January hits, things will even out again, but until then, a little extra money would be nice.

Samantha doesn't want me to get another job because she doesn't want me to get burned out. She said, "But you'll be tired all the time." Well, I think being tired is a small price to pay for being able to pay all your bills. Plus, I only work 32 hours a week at the library. When I started at DU, I was working 40 hours a week, and I was taking 3 classes. I can handle a 2nd part time job right now with no problems since I'm not in class now.

Denver University tried fucking me over again today too. They cancelled my student loans because I'm not taking any classes now, even though that isn't an issue since the loans are for January 2007 forward. After 20 minutes on the phone on hold, I was told it would be taken care of.

Today has just kind of sucked. And with that, I'm going to bed. I'm tired and just a bit pissed still.

Pissed meaning angry, not drunk. I can't afford booze now.

Tidbits, etc.

Not too many news stories shock me these days. We live in a world where pretty much anything can happen, and due to television and the internet, we hear about it. However, this news story headline on CNN.Com really does shock and disgust me:
Alabama teen charged with raping his mom
I can't actually read the story because it's a video clip and those are blocked at work. Now, I could make numerous Alabama jokes involving sex with family members, but that's too easy. Seriosly though, what kind of fucked up human would even consider this an option? It's so absurd and unvelievable you'd expect to see it as a joke on The Onion. I'm well aware of how insane some people are, but this takes it to a whole new level.

Well that was kind of depressing. On to other news. BBC.com, which I find superior to CNN has this as a headline today:
Siberia ravaged by bootleg vodka
This also sounded like a headline from The Onion. It sounds like a funny story right? Well, read the story yourself:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/6099906.stm
I was expecting some offbeat story, instead it's about poisonings and the general condition of Russia and it's people. On a side note to this, I've had to declare a personal state of emergency due to vodka on at least 1 occassion.

I went through my e-mail's Spam folder agian this morning and had a few laughs. Again, let me share with you a few Spam message subject lines I thought were funny:

• Vote for your favorite laundry detergent! - Who the hell sees this and says, "WOW, I've always wated people to hear my opinions on Tide. This is my chance!"
• Lower Homle Palyment by 30 Percelnt - I wish I could get the percelntage rate on my creldit card lowered too.
• surpass Innoceent Girl getting salacious it anallyy! - Mi Meet-sthick becumm riggidd juice thinnkkinngg abhout itt!
• Trojan Latex Condoms On Us - I think they mean free condoms.
• Looking to buy land in Costa Rica? - Not really, no.
• Are you losing your hair? - Not on my head.

On to other matters. Denver University tries to find reasaons to put holds on my account. They just put a hold on my account because they need a transcript from the University of Nebraska Omaha where I took 1 class to fulfil a credit I needed at Dana. I only have 5 classes left at DU, and they let me know they need the transcript NOW. They put a 2nd hold on my account because I need to prove that I've gotten my Measels/Mumps/Rubella shots. I proved this when I started going there, but now I have to prove it again before I can take any more classes. Next, they'll put a hold on my account claiming it's against DU guidelines to run over your professors due to "grading errors."

I guess I'll leave you with the DVD releases for this week.

• Ghost Whisperer: The Complete First Season - This show looks like complete shit.
• Mission: Impossible III - I really liked this movie. It's by far the best of the 3. Don't let your dislike for the 2nd one keep you from watching this one. this one is being released today, and not on a Tuesday like DVDs normally are.
• The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! Volume 2 - I hated this show as a child. Anything with professional wrestler Captain Lou Albano just has to suck. The laws of physics say so.

That's all. Tis a slow DVD week.

Halloween

Yep, Halloween is almost here, and I have no costume. This displeases me. I put together award winning costumes the last two years, but this year, due to limited funds, I won't be able to do so. I've been invited to the same Halloween party I've gone to the last 2 years, but I don't want to go with a shitty store bought costume. And I certainly don't want to go with no costume at all.

Other than that, I really have nothing else to say. I haven't seen any movies lately. I haven't read any good books lately, but I am going to start Anasazi Boys tonight. I'm anticipating that to be a fine book. So yeah, I'm just sitting here at work bored out of my mind.

I think I'll just review the DVDs released today and be done with it.

• An American Haunting - From what I hear, this was a dumb-ass movie.
• Batman Beyond: Season Two - I've always like this show. This will soon be added to my collection.
• Justice League Unlimited: Season One- This will also soon be part of my collection.
• Krypto the Superdog: Super Pets Unleashed - This will probably never be part of my collection.
• MacGyver: The Complete Final Season - I'll let you decide for yourselves on this one.
• MacGyver: The Complete Series - Tempting isn't it?
• Monster House - From the trailers, this movie looked like absolute shit. Apparently, my initial impression was worng since a whole lot of people seem to really like this film.
• Nacho Libre - Probably not a masterpiece, but good for a few laughs at least.
• Nightmares & Dreamscapes - I'm definately going to rent this. I only caught 3 of the 8 stories when they were shown on TNT, and none of them were bad. In fact, the first one was downright awesome.
• Reservoir Dogs: 15th Anniversary - I am not going to buy this. Yeah, everyone says it's a great film. Yeah, everyone thinks Tarantino is a God among men. I enjoyed it sure, but I'm not obsessed with it like some folk seem to be. It's a great film for drinking games though.
• Saturday Night Live: The Best of Saturday TV Funhouse - It has the Ambiguously Gay Duo on the cover, so this has to be good!
• Saw II: 2-Disc Uncut Edition - Right in time for Saw III. Great. These aren't bad horror films. I've seen worse. But they're just not quite good enough to buy.
• Slither - This movie looks fuckin' retarded. And to the retarded people out there outraged by my use of the word retarded, well, I'm sorry that you're retarded. It must really suck. It has a lot of good reviews, but I still plan on never watching this.

And that's it.

No really, that's it.

Me, and a few other people, but mainly me.

I haven't really posted pics of me or Samantha here ever. Here we go.

The 1st one is of Samantha and I. She's trying to be playful and coy. I was probably just annoyed. The 2nd one is a badly taken pic. The fault of one of my cousins. That pic is Samantha, me, and my mom and dad.

Did you say reboot the computer, or put my boot up your ass?

The IS department here at National Jewish is really starting to piss me off.

By IS, I mean Information Services. Basically what other places call the IT department. Those pompous assholes who think they know everything about every computer ever made.

The issue is quite simple really. National Jewish is the #1 respiratory hospital in the United States. We’re ranked above the Mayo Clinic. Those pussies are like #2 or #3. As the cream of the crop, one would think we’d be ahead of the average hospital as far as technology. Well, we’re not, and the IS dept. doesn’t want to do anything to change that.

All I’m asking for is wireless internet (Wi-Fi) access throughout the institution for patients and staff. If not the whole institution, then at least in the library. Everyone has Wi-Fi these days including public libraries, bookstores, Starbucks, and most other hospitals. As a library, we’re here to serve the patrons, whether they are patients or staff. National Jewish is supposed to put “Patients First.” Despite this policy, I have to tell patients at least once a day, “No, I’m sorry, you can’t access the internet here with your computer. The coffee shop down the street has it though.”

Even though we’re number 1, we don’t have campus-wide Wi-Fi like Dana College had 6 years ago. Dana Fucking College is more technologically advanced than National Jewish. It pisses me off to no end that our IS dept. doesn’t even try to make this work for the patients and staff.

If you were a staff member here, wouldn’t you want wireless access? If you were the top immunologists in the world doing groundbreaking research, wouldn’t you want wireless access? Wouldn’t you demand it? If you were a patient spending quite a lot of money to get treatment here, and taking time off work to do so, wouldn’t you feel screwed over if you didn’t have a way to connect your laptop?
IS tells us that patients can use the library computers to do their work. THAT’S NOT THE FUCKING POINT ASSHOLES. All they’re doing is making up excuses to NOT install wireless. Their concerns are ones that other institutions solved ages ago. When my boss Roz sent out an e-mail to IS yesterday concerning wireless, this was their response:

• At this time Information Systems cannot control non-NJC laptops that access the wireless network. We have a number of wireless networks in the center and are experienced in the application of wireless and how to control it, but there is no way to control the laptop, which could contain viruses. The wireless network will not be opened up in the future, unless the are new processes that work to control the laptop and the cost is reasonable.

WHAT THE FUCK???? They’re concerned over outside laptops accessing National Jewish’s internal Intranet. All we want is an internet line NOT connected to the Intranet and shunted through a wireless emitter. And you shouldn’t want to CONTROL someone else’s laptop anyway you fascist bastards. Viruses can be a problem, but there are viruses introduced to the system every damn day by e-mail and such. If your virus scan software handles that, it should be able to handle multiple instances. It doesn’t matter anyway since the library Wi-Fi wouldn’t go through the Intranet servers. You mooks say that wireless access is already at National Jewish in certain places? Well isn’t that just dandy? Sure, the IS dept. Probably has their own Wi-Fi. The library does have it for staff only, However, we don’t have the access codes for it. So, if staff does want to use it, they have to contact the one person in IS who has the code. IF that assfuck decides to answer his phone, he schedules a time to meet with the staff member and make sure their computer is virus-free before giving them the code. This process usually takes 2 days. Two goddamn days?! As for the “reasonable cost” bullshit, Dana College can afford it. Every other hospital in Denver can afford it. I’m pretty sure with all the money this place makes, it could be easily budgeted in.

You lazy fucks are denying this privilege solely on your apathy and incompetence. If my boss doesn’t take the next step, I will. The President of National Jewish told everyone, no matter how shitty their job is, to inform him of things that can be improved. I’ll inform him, and when I do, I’ll have stats on all the other medical centers that have wireless. I’ll have documentation of how wrong IS is and the need for Wi-Fi.

The staff is suffering and customer service is suffering while IS sits on their fat asses shoving Twinkies down their food holes. I sincerely wish the IS Department a great FOctober.

The funniest picture I've ever seen

What the hell is funnier than a monkey that resembles George Burns? Nothing I dare say.

Cellebration, Ham, and Films

This truly is a great time of the year for cellebration. You've got Halloween at the end of the month, and many folk take this month to take part in numerous OctoberFests around the world.
I'd feel bad if I didn't do anything special this October, so I proudly present the 1st annual FOctober Fest.

First, to the apartment managers who run this complex. For taking the time and energy to post a note on our door to tell us we own them 60 cents, FOc You!

Secondly, to the politicians running for office now, with your mudslinging and outrageous lies, Go FOc Yourself!

To Denver University's Financial Aid Office, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE ASSHOLES! FOc Off!

For now, that's all, but I'll celebrate more in further postings. Take this time to celebrate FOctober Fest by drinking a pitcher of beer and by telling someone you know about FOctober Fest!

So, I read comic books, as do many of the people who read this blog. Hopefully you'll anticipate this January release as much as I do:
ULTIMATE CIVIL WAR SPIDER-HAM CRISIS (FEATURING WOLVER-HAM) #1Written by J. MICHAEL STRACZYNSKI Penciled by MIKE WIERINGO, MIKE ALLRED, JOHN SEVERIN, NICK DRAGOTTA, ARIEL OLIVETTI and JIM MAHFOOD Cover by MIKE WIERINGO You asked for it, you got it! Quite possibly the most important comic ever! A life-changing event that will change the way you look at yourself and the world around you! Spinning out of the page of CIVIL WAR -- and every other top-selling comic crossover event you can think of – it’s ULTIMATE CIVIL WAR SPIDER-HAM CRISIS (FEATURING WOLVER-HAM)!!! He’s little, he’s pink, he knows how to bring home the bacon. He’s Spider-Ham – and he’s about to embark a kaleidoscopic, time-spanning, universe-shifting journey that will prove just how big a pig he really is. Guest-starring: Iron Ham, Deviled Ham, Fantastic Ham, Green Ham, Ant-Ham, Ultimate Captain Ham, Hambit, Hamneto, and everyone’s favorite Sorcerer Supreme -- whathisface? You know, the guy with the blue tights and red cape…Mustache…Man-servant named Wong? -- anyway, you know who I’m talking about. He’s in it, too. And Wolver-Ham – did I mention him?32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

Deviled Ham, Hambit, and Hamneto. Oh how those make me chuckle. Hopefully though, there will be a guest appearance by the Lord of Atlantis, Hamor.

You want to know what coming out on Tuesday on DVD don't you? Alright, I'll tell you, but then you have to go to bed.

• American Dreamz - Some say this movie is clever and entertaining, while others say it is both fetid and boring. I probably won't spend my money to find out, so that's up to you.
• Behind Enemy Lines II: Axis of Evil - I'll admit, I found Behind Enemy Lines to be a pretty enjoyable film. That being said, NO ONE asked for a sequel and from what I hear, this is less of a sequel and more of a shitty film trying to capitalize off the 1st film by using the title.
• The Break-Up - I, as most men, don't care for romantic comedies. This is why I won't watch this film, unless of course Samantha rents it and makes me watch it with her. This is a possibility, as is me bashing my head against the coffee table shortly thereafter.
• Charmed: The Complete Sixth Season - I know a lot of people who like sci-fi, fantasy, and other shows of this genre, and yet I don't know a single person who has bothered to buy any of these seasons.
• Feast - This is the only release that I'm really looking forward to on Tuesday. This was intended to be released theatrically last year, but it only saw limited release last month. This looks like a fun "Creature killing people in an isolated setting" movie. For the one person who'll read this and say, "That sounds like shit," I'll have you know this was done by Project Greenlight, who were the minds behind the television show Push, Nevada. That doesn't mean that this will be a good film, but I'm sure looking forward to seeing it to find out.
• The Omen - This is the remake released last June. To me, this seems like a pointless remake when the original was quite good and didn't need a remake. Maybe someone who has seen it can tell me if it's any good or not, but the general buzz is that it isn't.
• Over the Hedge - Haven't seen it, but I'm sure it's entertaining for what it is.
• Panic Room (Superbit Deluxe) - Decent film, but I wouldn't purchase this version since I found that original release in the $5 bins at Wal-Mart. That version is good enough for me.
• That 70's Show: Season Five - At first, I never watched this show due to my general dislike of sitcoms. Recently though, I've seen quite a few episodes as Samantha likes to watch the reruns. I'll admit it's a funny show.
• Rest Stop - Not only a newly-released horror movie, but also where Bob's mom can be found every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday nights blowing long-haul truckers for spare change. Both this film and Bob's mom have in common the ability to suck.

And that's it for today. I hope you've found this both informative and entertaining. Infotaining if you will. If not, well your blogs aren't any better dickheads.

Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler...

These bastards that come into this library broke the electric stapler.....again. These are doctors and such, and they can't use an electric stapler. On top of that, people take the regular stapler off the little table where we keep it for patrons to use and it goes missing for days on end. Of course, other people then decide since they need a stapler, they take mine off my desk.

I'm in charge of ordering such things as staplers. I used to order the good Swingline metal staplers for the entire library to use, because they're quite durable. Fuck that. From now on, the public staplers will be the cheapest ones I can find. And to make sure I can identify MY stapler in the library, I just bought one of those bright red 747 Swingline staplers, just like Milton cherished in the film Office Space. Milton was right, this stapler kicks ass. No one else that I know has one of these beauties. It will remain concealed under my desk on top of the computer. Just in case this one goes missing, I also ordered a backup. But the backup isn't red, it's chromed. That's right, a chrome Swingline 747 stapler baby.

So, Samantha and I got into a pretty big fight last night. After these big fights, you look back and say, "Well that was a stupid thing to fight over, I should have just shut my mouth." Not this time. I was pissed and had a right to be. You see, Samantha and I bought a buch of furniture last December when we got this apartment. Part of that included a nice Suede couch and matching armchair. Samantha's new pets are rats, 3 of them to be exact. She lets them run around on the couch with her. Last week, I noticed a few chew holes on 2 of the cushions. They aren't noticable because they're in the back and they tuck under the couch, but still, I was upset. I mean this is a brand new fuckin' couch.

So, I told her not to let the rats run around in the couch anymore. Logically, the only way to prevent them from chewing up the couch is to not let them on the couch. It's just plain goddamn common sense. She had a fucking fit and told me I can't make arbitrary decisions like that without talking to her, and that she thought the chew holes were over a month old and that the rats aren't chewing the couch anymore, blah, blah, blah.

She continued to let them run on the couch, and of curse, last night, they chew a noticeable hole on the top of the fucking armrest. It makes the entire couch look like shit now. She got all pissed because I was yelling over a material possession, the couch. It wasn't totally about the couch. It was about me expressing my concerns a week ago and her not giving a shit. It was about me trying to be proactive and prevent the damage instead of her being reactive when the damage is already done.

So, we can leave the couch like it is, looking like shit. We can get the arm fixed, which would probably cost a whole lot. Or, we can get matching couch and seat covers to cover them up. That last idea pisses me off more, because we shouldn't have to do that. Plus, it makes me feel like I'm fuckin' white trash. Also, there's a reason we picked the couch and chair we did, because we liked the color and the way it looks. Of course, we wouldn't have to make a decision what to do on the couch, HAD SHE LISTENED TO ME A WEEK AGO.

Normally, I don't badmouth Samantha, but for an educated woman, she can sure be a fucking dumbass at times.

It's like my mom always said: "We can't have anything nice." Now I know exactly what she meant.

I've decided that I'm fat. Well, I've known for quite some time now that I'm out of shape. I used to be in pretty good shape. I used to take Tae Kwon Do. I went on two 500+ mile bike trips. Bicycle, not motorcycle. I was never the fastest or the strongest guy, but I was pretty healthy. I know I'm getting fat because my pants tell me so. For the longest time, I wore pants with a 36 waist. Now, I'm up to 38, and one of my pairs of 38s now seems to be a bit too small.

I've never gone on a diet. I never needed to before now. But, I've got to do something. So, starting today, I'm going to try to eat a bit better. I'd start working out, riding a bike again, and son on, but there are problems with that. First, fitness clubs are pretty expensive, and money is a tad tight right now. Plus, I hate the atmosphere of a fitness club. I'd ride a bike, but a quality bike is at least $400. That's a lot when money is tight. I'd start Tae Kwon Do again, but that shit's expensive too.

I should loose some weight pretty quickly though. My new diet and high metabolism, combined with the excercise provided when I bone Bob's mom 4 times a day should provide satisfactory results.

So I lied

I said a week ago that I'd post a review of the move The Descent on Wednesday or Thursday. Well, I didn't do that now did I? So I lied.

I told Bob's mom I'd always be there for her no matter how many NFL teams she slept with. So I lied.

I'll correct one of these lies and review The Descent for you now. I'll also add a review for Silent Hill. With Halloween coming up, review two "scary" movies seems like a good thing to do. Mind you, these won't be well-written or in-depth reviews.

The Descent:
I've said before that I'm not a big horror movie fan. I should correct that statement. What I should have said is that I'm not a big shitty movie fan. I enjoy a good horror flick, if it's done well. Sadly, a lot of recent horror movies have been absolutely horrible. So, when I got done watching The Descent, I was glad that I didn't waste my time on one of the shitty horror films.

I won't take the time to give you the full plot or character breakdown. I'll just sum it up: A group of women get trapped in a cave system where they're killed and eaten by a group of creatures who've evolved to live in said cave system.

Is it a gory film? Sure. Although it isn't near as gory as i'd thought it would be. All the critics said it's extremely gory, and personally, I didn't thik it was all that bad. I don't like needless gore, but in this film, the gore was in the right places and in the right amounts.

The acting was just fine. Good enough that I believed the women and the plight they were in.

Cheap horror films often resort to cheap scares like the monster popping out of nowhere accompanied by a creshendo in the music. The Descent had a few moments like this, but most of the scares come from the atmosphere and the genuine horror of the situation and the uncertainty of who will make it and who won't.

That's it for the review. See, I told you it wouldn't be much. I was genuinely impressed with it and I reccommend you watch it when you get the chance. Now, I saw the European release, which has a slightly more depressing ending than the American release, but either ending works in my opinion. So see it.

Alright, now on to Silent Hill. This review will be shorter. I can't honestly say you should see this movie. I had high hopes for this film. I loved the video games and I think the director has done some good work previously. I was hoping that I would generaly be freaked out watching this film, as I often was playing the game. That never happened. It's not a horrible film by any means. Some of the visuals are downright cool. But, in the end, this film just wasn't scary. If you advertise a film as a horror film, it should at least be a little scary.

I'm going to move on the the DVD releases for tomorrow. I could talk about happenings in my life, but nothing has happened.

• The Andy Milonakis Show: The Complete Second Season - I've heard this show is quite funny. I've yet to see any of it.
• The A-Team: Season Five - The Final Season - This show was so stupid, yet so enjoyable.
• Bad Santa: Director's Cut - I have it on good authority that this movie is also quite funny. I don't know why I haven't rented it yet.
• The Butterfly Effect 2 - If you buy this, you'll wish you could go back in time and correct that mistake. Sadly, you wouldn't be able to.
• Click (Special Edition) - This is one of those movies that I don't care to see, but if I had the chance to watch it, I probably would. It's probably good for a few laughs.
• The Exorcist: The Complete Anthology - Just in time for Halloween.
• Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties - Like The Butterfly Effect 2, we have another pointless sequel that should never be.
• Magnum P.I.: The Complete Fifth Season - I don't think there's a single person on Earth who dislikes this show.
• A Prairie Home Companion - This film had great reviews, but for some reason it was a limited release film.
• Simon & Simon: Season One - FINALLY!
• Waist Deep (Widescreen) - I just don't care.

That's it. I must go now so I can finish watching the Broncos game.

Vehicular Manslaughter

No, I didn't yet commit this crime, although lately, I've sure been considering it when I gas up at the pumps.

"But gas prices have gone way down" you say. Well, I'm here to inform you that that isn't the case here in Denver, or virtually anywhere on the west coast. A few months back, gas hit a tad over $3 a gallon for regular unleaded. It was about that back in Nebraska too if I'm not mistaken. Now, the average price for gas in Washington County, NE is $2.19 per gallon. It's a smidge more where I was raised in Thayer County, NE at $2.21 per gallon. There's even a county in Iowa where gas is now at $1.91 a gallon. What is the average price per gallon here in Denver you ask?
$2.51 per gallon.
You can see why I'm a tad angered at this. The government says that we should be happy and that they've done what we've asked and got the gas prices down. That's true for a lot of folks, but we here on the west side of the country have had to put up with meager drops in gas prices while all of you fucks back east get your gas costs cut by 1/3.

By the way, this is the website where I get my gas info from:
http://www.gasbuddy.com/gb_gastemperaturemap.aspx
Look at that map and explain to me how and why the gas prices shoot up when you leave the midwest. I just don't fuckin' understand it.

I take this time to give a shout out to a few of the corporations and companies that can fuck off:
BP Amoco ARCO
Chevron
ConocoPhillips
ExxonMobil
Shell International
Texaco
There are about 300 more, but these get the salute first because they control/supply the majority of gas stations in the Denver area.

Time for the DVD releases for today. This actually is a nice transition from my gas rant, because I believe DVDs are a plastic-based product. And you can't have plastics without crude oil!

• G. I. Joe Sigma 6: First Strike - I'm one of the biggest G.I. Joe fans you'll ever know, and even I hate this show. It's a flaming pile of shit.
• Glass House: The Good Mother - A sequel to The Glass House? What?! Who the fuck asked for this?
• Greatest American Hero: The Complete Series - Limited Collector's Edition - In this case, I'm the one who asked for this.
• The Little Mermaid (2-Disc Special Edition) - I'll only be buying this to make Samantha happy.
• Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels: Locked 'N Loaded Director's Cut - Unrated - A director's cut eh? Very interesting.
• Planet of the Apes: The TV Series - IT'S A MADHOUSE!! A MADHOUSE!!!!!! Sorry, but I had to do that even though Heston isn't in this.
• Stargate SG-1: The Complete Ninth Season - Sir, the gate's opening. It looks like crap is coming through.
• Thank You for Smoking (Widescreen) - I've heard good things about this.
• X-Men: The Last Stand (Collector's Edition) - WOOT!! Oh how I've been waiting for this. For all of you naysayers who claim this to be a bad film: You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Piss off and die.

In a few days, I'll give you my thoughts on the horror movie The Descent.

This ride has come to an end. Please watch your step while you get the hell out.

Titles are for sissies

I know I haven't posted here in a week. I apologize to all the people who eagery look forward to my regular postings each Monday. I let you down and I'm truly sorry.

Actually, I'm not sorry at all. This is just a blog, and if you look forward to this one specifically out of the thousands avaiable, you have serious issues.

Let me start off with something very important: Beer. Tomorrow night I'll be attending the Great American Beer Festival here in Denver for the third year. This truly is an event to behold for any of those out there like myself who enjoy a good beer every now and then. Or everyday. This is, according to the GABF website, the largest selection of American beers ever gathered together in the United States. The best thing about the whole thing for me is that I get in free due to certain "connections" I have in the industry. Admission for this event is normally $50. In addition to getting in free, I get to use the employee/volunteer entrance meaning I don't have to stand in line like all the other poor fuckers who had to pay for their tickets. 1600 beers for me to try free of charge. Another plus that I feel like I need to mention: There are quite a lot of 21 year old partially-inebriated women at the GABF. A lot of these women are quite good looking. Sure, I'm engaged to a near perfect woman, but I don't mind being surrounded by countless bueatiful women from time to time. I can at least appreciate this opportunity. Plus, Samantha won't be there to tell me I can't look at these women since she's allergic to beer. What a shame. What a shame.

Seriously thouh, if you're ever in Denver around the end of September and you really like beer, attending the GABF would be worth your time. Even at $50, it's not a bad deal considering all the beer to be sampled.

Time to move on to something almost as important as beer: Television. Every year, at this time, we're treated to a bunch of new television shows. Some are good, and some blow ass. Jericho is one of the new shows that's actually quite good. However, I must rant about it just a little bit. It's suppossed to take place in Kansas. Keep that in mind. The general story is that the residents of this Kansas town, named Jericho, are cut-off from the rest of the world when a mushroom cloud appears over Denver. The view of the mushroom cloud is quite spectacular from Jericho. The residents look over the plans and see the Rocky Mountains with the mushroom cloud blossoming into the sky from behind the mountains. There are 2 problems with this:
1. Anyone who is even remotely familiar with Kansas and Colorado know that you can't see the Rocky Mountains from anywhere in Kansas. You're just too damn far away. You have to drive an hour into Colorado before the mountains are visable. You would have to be 30 minutes to an hour outside of Denver before the mountains would look as they did from Jericho.
2. The mushroom cloud appeared as though it came from behind the Rocky Mountains. Denver is on the Eastern slope of the Rockies you ignorant fucks. The mushroom cloud should be in front of the mountains from the Kansas perspective.
Now I don't mind a bit of un-realism in television. Sometimes, due to shooting constraints, locations have to be shot elsewhere, etc. But this is just a dumb ass oversight that no one thought to verify or correct. Take the show Jerimiah, which ran for 2 seasons on Showtime. It was another post-apocalyptic type show. It kinda sucked, but I digress. In Jerimiah, the main character, aptly named Jerimiah, had to go to the Denver Public Library. The building filmed wasn't the actual Denver Public Library, in fact, it looked nothing like it. However, the producers of the show took time to at least get certain facts right, like the location. Jerimiah mentioned that the library could be found at 14th and Colfax. That's exactly where it is. If you need a point of reference, while in Denver, Bob's mom can be found on the corner of 9th and Colfax. My point is simple. When filming a show, at least try your best to get as many things right as you can.

So normally I would have reviewed the DVD releases for this week a few days ago, but there really wasn't much released of note. However, because some of you depend on it, I'll lump a few releases into two categories for you.

DVDs probably worth buying provided you don't already own them: Dracula: 75th Anniversary Legacy Edition, Frankenstein: 75th Anniversary Legacy Edition, A Nightmare on Elm Street (Infinifilm), The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (2-Disc Ultimate Edition - 1973), Voltron: Defender of the Universe (Collector's Edition)

DVDs you never want to buy because the films/shows contained on them suck dick: Curious George, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, The Lake House, Save the Last Dance (Special Collector's Edition), Thunder in Paradise Collection.

Beowulf and Grendel was also released. I'm not sure where to put this one because I haven't seen it. I've been waiting for a good Beowulf movie for quite some time, and according to a number of reviews, this may be a pretty good attempt. One thing is for certain: Stay the hell away from the 1999 version of Beowulf staring Christopher Lambert. It isn't bad for a cheap movie, but's it isn't worthy of the epic poem it's based on.

That's it for now. If you don't like it, shove it up your pooper.

Sunday Drive

I was driving to work today, as I normally do since I can’t afford to pay anyone to drive me. The morning show that’s on when I’m headed to work made some sacrilegious joke about the 2nd coming of Jesus Christ. I laughed. After laughing, I got to thinking, if Jesus Christ really did return to Earth now, what would he drive?

He’d have to drive. It’s not like the good old days when you slap on a new pair of lamb-hide sandals and trot to wherever you’re headed. Jesus would definitely need a motor vehicle to get around these days. That is, unless Jesus Christ can also fly as well as walk on water. If that’s the case, then he obviously wouldn’t need a car.

Let’s assume that he can’t fly. Being that Jesus is the son of God, money really wouldn’t be an issue. Jesus could afford any vehicle that suits his needs. The Pope has his pimped-out , bullet-proof Popemobile, and he’s not near as rich as Jesus. Jesus has gots the Benjamins. What you have to ask is: What kind of factors would go into Jesus’ decision as he’s walking through the car dealer’s lot?

Is Jesus humble? If he is indeed still humble after all these years, he’d probably go for a Kia Spectra, or a similar small car with little to no leg room and a trunk large enough to comfortably fit a box of Handi-Wipes for when those pesky wrist stigmata start to seep. Of course, a small car like this would also be good on gas mileage, and if Jesus is humble, then he’d logically also be concerned about such things as the environment.

Maybe Jesus isn’t so humble anyone. Maybe he just wants to make a statement and bring attention to the fact that he’s back, and righteous like never before. In this case, He’d probably go with something big and flashy. Maybe a pearl white Cadillac Escalade with gold chrome accents? Oh, he’d be rollin’ in style then. Gas mileage really wouldn’t be an issue. I mean, if he can turn water into wine, then turning water into Premium Unleaded shouldn’t be a problem.

Maybe practicality is the issue. Maybe Jesus wants to do humanitarian works while here on Earth again, like building houses for the homeless, or driving little old ladies to the doctor’s office. A Ford F-150 would be perfect for him. The bed of an F-150 is perfect to toss building supplies, or little old ladies, into for hauling around where needed. Personally, he may want a truck just in case he’s made to carry a large cross up another steep hill before getting crucified on said cross. I mean, there’s no need to do more work than you have to. He’s learned from the past.

Maybe a four-wheeled vehicle is too much for him. Maybe a motorcycle would be best for J.C. He could grab a Harley, some leather chaps and a nice jacket, and be on his way to bless the masses in style. Of course, he’d want to buy a helmet too. Safety first. It would suck if Jesus took a spill and dashed his brains across 2 lanes of Interstate asphalt while on his way to rid an orphan of cancer.

No, I take that back. A motorcycle wouldn’t work for Jesus at all. If Jesus was confined to operate solely in Miami, Florida it wouldn’t be a problem, but the man is going to have to travel quite a lot. He’ll be driving all over the world in many different climates. A motorcycle just wouldn’t do Jesus justice in the middle of a Russian winter. He’ll never be driving in France or Mexico however, since God officially disowned those countries, and the people therein, about 14 years ago. New Mexico is still cool with God though, but just barely.

An ambulance might fit Jesus perfectly. Replace the large red cross with a regular cross, but leave the lights and sirens. Jesus would use those to quickly make his way to “spiritual emergencies” or to the Old Country Buffet on steak and shrimp night. An ambulance just screams “heal,” and by God, that’s what Jesus is all about.

Then again, Jesus does look like a hippie, so maybe he’d go with a Volkswagon mini-bus, or a full-size school bus for that matter. You see religious folk all the time driving around in an old school bus with crosses and pro-Jesus slogans slathered on the side. I don’t see this as the best choice for Jesus though. Sure, he may look like a hippie, but if Jesus taught us one thing, it’s that judging people is wrong, and stereotyping people based on appearance is judging. His life story also taught us that it’s cool to give a newborn baby incense from Ethiopia, so not everything transfers into modern-day life so well.

A motorcycle also wouldn’t work because, like the Pope, Jesus needs some protection. There would surely be some crazie out there who thinks it’d be a good idea to cap Christ. Now, Jesus could go to the same dealership that the Pope goes to and pick himself up a fancy golf cart, but I’m thinking that Jesus wants a little more speed than that.

Jesus could go with a sports car, complete with a spoiler made out of the same material that makes up those nasty paper-thin Communion wafers, but I don’t think J.C. would spend that much money simply for speed. Maybe after 40 or so good years without being nailed to a cross for the sins of mankind will give him a reason to splurge

My final vehicle idea would be a hearse. I mean, there is that whole “rising from the dead and resurrection” aspect to him. Plus, if he does happen to get nailed to a cross and speared in the chest again, he can drive himself to the cemetery.

Alright, it’s time for me to go to Hell now.

It's almost Monday

I'm starting this post a bit early. It's due mainly because I'm bored.

I'm watching the show Cops now. I love this show. It's always fun to see a fat guy get tazed or a drunken bar bitch get clocked with a nightstick. I'm sorry, I guess they're called "batons" nowadays. Sometimes though, I don't understand some of the things these police officers say. For instance, a cop said "Did you know it's illegal to trade dope for a motor vehicle?" No shit. If it's illegal to own, sell, or produce meth, then does there even need to be a law against using it as currency?

If a cop finds a guy who intends to sell bags of powdered sugar as cocaine, how can they charge him with "Posession of a conterfiet controlled substance." It's fuckin' powdered sugar! I know that he intended to sell it as drugs, but it wasn't drugs!! It isn't the guy's fault that some dumbass would be willing to pay him for a tiny bag of powdered sugar. I just can't see that as a legal thing to charge someone with.

Well, I'm the last person who should question anything's legality, what with the multiple laws I've broken over the years.

I'm no good at transitions, so here are the DVD releases for Tuesday:

• Battlestar Galactica: Season 2.5 - This is the best show I've seen in a while. I still can't believe that this is a sci-fi channel production, cause they produce some real filth.
• The Boris Karloff Collection - It's always good to see classic movies released. With the mass of crap released every week, it's nice to have the classics too. Although, these could be shitty movies too!
  
• He-Man and the Masters of the Universe: Season 2 Volume 2 - Joke all you want, cause you know that when all is said and done, you'll own this.
• My Name is Earl: the Complete First Season - This is one of the few shows on nBC i can stand. It's pretty funny, but I don't think it's worth buying.
• Stay Alive - Maybe half of the people who saw this in theatres will buy this. So, maybe 6 people.
  
• The Unit: Season 1 - I've heard this was a pretty good show. Maybe I'll rent it.

That's about it. Battlestar Galactica easily makes up for the lack of anything else really good.

Thanks for nothing asshole

I like it when the people in "the know" answer questions for us ignorant peons yearning for the truth.

Now, I may be one of the only 7 or 8 people in the world who liked the 1st Hulk film. Yeah, it had some problems, but Ang Lee tried to make a complex film with many levels. It wasn't just a one-dimensional action film. And maybe that's why it failed. Maybe it was too complex. However, Louis Leterrier, who has directed the Transporter films and Unleashed, has been attached to direct The Incredible Hulk, despite the 1st film's failures. I liked the Transporter. The 2nd one kinda sucked. And, I was completely surprised by Unleashed. It was much better than I expected and I plan to someday add it to my DVD collection.

So, let's get back to my original statement. I like it when the big shots take time to answer questions. Jesse Falcon, a bigwig with ToyBiz, answers questions on Marvel Legends toys every other day on one of the message boards. he doesn't have to, but he takes the time to answer our questions anyway. Superhero Hype got a chance to interview Louis Leterrier about The Incredible Hulk film, and instead of linking you to it, I'll just paste it here:

Q: Can you confirm the method for which the Hulk will be presented?
We're studying every method and we'll pick the best method for every shot. It's important to make the Hulk tactile in this one. As an audience member I love to be confused and not know if it's CGI, animatronic, make-up (loved Davy Jones in Pirates... all CG!!!).

Q: Can you confirm if Dominic Purcell is in talks for a role in your movie, and possibly what role that is.
Let me show you something...

ITW: Hello Louis Leterrier.
LL: Hi.
ITW: I hear you've been asked to direct Indiana Jones 4.
LL: Huh...
ITW: INDY, you're so lucky!!!
LL: Huh, well, I love these films but...
ITW:That's going to be amazing. Good luck"

... and a day later every one says that LL is directing the next Indy.
Listen to Dominic Purcell's interview again.

Q: Will you get Statham a role in this film if not Abomination perhaps someone in the military.
He's Betty...

Q: We know the budget is not over 180 million per the terms of the merril deal but do you have an estimate yet? Zak said it was quite a bit.
It's enough. Listen, I made Transporter 1 for 17M$, Unleashed for 20M$ and Transporter 2 for 22M$ (this one could have used a couple of extra bucks, sorry about some of the vfx's). I'm used to small budgets. This one's very big in Hollywood standards and huge compared to my first films. I'm going to put every penny on screen.

Q: Is Bana officially eliminated from contention or is he still a possibility?
He's not out.

Q: How far are we away from a casting announcement and a release date?
Nothing's set.

Q: Is this a sequel or not? There has been alot of confusion over this. Sometimes yes, and other times no.
It's a hard question to answer. You have to be the judge of that when you see the film.

Q: Is Lou Ferrigno really in the running to voice Hulk? (I hope not)
I've only met Lou once and I was star-struck. Who do you think should do the voice?

Q: Avi & Zak have said they liked the action in the first film (desert battle), do you also share this opinion? And plan to live upto/top it?
There's only one way out of this one and it's up...

Q: Ang sometimes used interesting wipes to go between shots, although you don't need to, will you slip a few in during editing for people like me that loved that?
Too early to say.

Q: Was the distancing from the first movie (even as a sequel) at Comic-Con more of a way of getting attention of those that were dissatisfied with the first film rather than condemnation of the first film itself?
I like the first film. I just think I'm a maggot compared to Ang Lee. I'm not going to try to copy him, it would be an enormous failure. I'm going to do my version of a Hulk film. There's a lot of me in Unleashed. If you liked this film, you'll like our Hulk.

Q: Will you also be checking out Ultimate Fighter matches to get a feel for the influence on Hulk's fighting style in the first film (assuming you aren't familiar with that already)? Or will there be no consistency in this regard? Speaking of consistency, will there be any?
I'll surround myself with the best fight choreographers. It's going to be special.

Q: Has there been any talk of doing an online video blog from behind scenes of the film as many movies are doing these days
I don't know. I'm not very photogenic.

Q: Has there been talk on where this will be filmed (U.S., Canada etc)?
Too early to say.

Q: Are you focused on casting an unknown or well known actor for Abomination? Or are you open to either?
Open to both.

Q: If there is some sense of continuity between films is there a chance will Harper return (even if it's just a cameo)? Are you expecting rewrites for Zak's first treatment?
Zak's turning in the best screenplay I ever read. I'm serious.

Thats it. Like the title of this posting says, thanks for nothing asshole. You didn't answer shit! If you're going to take the time to answer fan's questions, then answer the goddamn questions. What a waste of time. And what was the point of Superhero Hype even listing this as a story?

There's a difference btween holding some info back to maintain some secrecy about the product, but Louis doen't even have any info to give in the first place.

I'll just award him the
Stupid Motherfucker of the Week Award

And I'll leave you with that. I'll be back with you on Monday though, so hold back your tears.

Nebraska Jobs, Dana, and Bitchery

People say the economy is doing pretty good right now. People say that things are looking up after unemployment shot up a few years ago. Those people can try to find a job in Nebraska. About 3 years ago, I had a horrible time finding employment around Blair and Omaha. Even with a college education, I was searching for a job for almost 2 months before APAC threw me a bone. I only took that job because nothing else was available and I needed to pay rent. I hated APAC. I absolutely hated it. When I moved here to Denver, I found a job in 3 days, and I really didn’t look that hard.

Now, even though the economy is supposedly so much better, I know people back in Blair who are having the same problems I had. They have degrees from Dana, yet can only find shit jobs. I’m not saying it’s the Dana part of the degree that holds them back. What I’m saying is that all of these “experts” talking about the economy need to take a closer look at the rural parts of this country to see what’s really happening to a lot of people. My buddy Andy has a degree, and he has writing talent, a lot of talent. I enjoy writing, and I’m not too shabby at it, but Andy is on a whole different level. Andy is actually on a level above some of today’s popular best-selling authors, if you ask me. He looked for a month or two before taking a job at a AAA call center, much like APAC. A shit job for sure. Since then, he’s gotten a job at a Mutual of Omaha call center. So, a slightly better job with better pay. He likes it more. However, a college grad shouldn’t be sitting behind a desk taking calls when there’s so much untapped potential.

Take my ex-roommate William as another example. Sure, William isn’t the most favored person by some, and I completely understand those criticisms. However, he got his degree easily, not like some athletes who squeak by with Cs, and he’s worked in the Dana college library as an employee, not a work-study student, for at least 3 years. Also, he’s pretty good with computers. He thinks he knows more than he does, but nonetheless, he isn’t too shabby with them. He shouldn’t have trouble finding a job either, but after Dana fired a bunch of people, including William, he looked for over 2 moths for a job that meshed with his prior work experiences. He too got shafted. He just took on a job as a janitor at the Fort Calhoun nuclear plant because the job market sucks so much. A college degree, and he’s a janitor.

Andy, and his future wife Danielle, are considering moving out to Denver so that she can pursue her further education at DU. I certainly hope they do move here. Sure, not only would I have a good friend here in Denver to chum around with, but he’d have much better luck in finding a job that suits him. Same with William. Not that I’d necessarily want William in the same city as me, but he needs to either get more education, such as a Master’s Degree, or move to a place where he can use the degree he has. I love Nebraska. It’s where I was born and raised. But it’s just not a good place for jobs right now, and I’m glad I’m not living there now, wasting my life at APAC or some other god-forsaken shitbox.

This little topic leads me into another little rant I have, also dealing with jobs. Every so often, I get one of these newsletter things from Dana that list updates on Alumni such as marriages or new jobs. I can’t read these updates anymore without becoming pissed-off. I really enjoyed my field of study while at Dana. I enjoy the Communication field and I thoroughly enjoyed my many years on KDCV. I maybe wasn’t the best D.J., but I had fun and I did actually run the station for a year. Some may say I made some managerial mistakes, but I honestly feel that the station was a better place when I left it then when I came on as Ops Manager. So, I look at these updates and see alumni who were also in the communication field who land these awesome jobs. What pisses me off is that half of these people didn’t do jack shit at Dana. These people got the same degree as I did, but did half as much, or did it all, but did a shitty job. Some bitch, who shall remain nameless, got some high paying job in a television or radio station, yet while she was working for me at the radio station, she did nothing. I mean absolutely fucking nothing. She was given a number of small tasks and in the entire year, zero of tasks got done. She was paid like $85 a month to basically just hold the title. I see these athletes who graduated with me get good jobs, yet while at Dana, they barely survived the easiest courses offered. I’m not saying that my job now is bad, but I’ve worked my ass off, and am going for my Master’s Degree, to get this job and work towards something better. These Dana shitheads I refer to get these good jobs with no sacrifice whatsoever.

And as far as Dana goes, I have one more thing to complain about. Fuck You Vern. That’s right Vern, Fuck Off. As I said, I was KDCV manager for a year. During that year, I, and my staff who actually did something, proposed a bunch of things to better the station. Pretty much every idea was shot down by McComb because she said it wasn’t possible. One of those items was streaming KDCV over the internet. William, as Ops Manager, proposed that to Vern the next year and was also shot down. Now I’m not saying that KDCV was ready for internet streaming at that time. KDCV had it’s problems, and it was probably best that we didn’t stream at that time. However, in one of those lovely Dana newsletters I got 1 year after I graduated, I saw a story on KDCV. This story was pretty much a big ass-kissing festival glorifying Vern and the Ops Manager at the time. Now I can’t remember the guy’s name, but when I was at Dana, he showed absolutely NO interest in KDCV. He showed up at one meeting at the beginning of a year, then failed to do anything else from then on. Now all of a sudden, KDCV not only interests him, but acts as his personal crusade of excellence.

Vern said in the story that internet streaming was now in effect due to his, and the current Ops Manager, work based of THEIR idea to stream. Vern said that thanks to this new Ops Manager and his progressive thinking and outlook, that streaming was made possible. Well piss off and die you dirty bastard. I’m not saying that William and I did all the work, but we worked towards this goal for 2 years, and made KDCV to what is was when this new Ops manager comes in. We worked towards it and were shot down every goddamn time. The minute I graduate, Vern and the fuck-mook take credit for everything. Sure, Vern knows what he’s doing, but he also knows how to shaft a person as well. All he had to say was “Thanks to our current Ops Manger Jimmy Fuckass, and the efforts made over the last few years by other students, streaming audio is now possible.” That would have been just fine. Yeah, Dana can’t give me credit in the least, but they can still throw my picture up on Dana’s Campus Life webpage to advertise KDCV. Yeah, that’s right bitches, that’s me sitting there at the mic. That’s when I came in for 2 ½ hours on my off time for that little photo shoot. Where the fuck were you Vern? Probably had your hand up some poor dummy’s ass.

And the station name. That part of this little story pissed me off to. When I was introduced to the station, it had the name "The Jam." Personally, I've always thought that was a stupid ass name. Everytime I hear that name, I picture Bananarama dancing around the stage in neon tights. When I became Ops Manger, I asked all the staff and deejays at a meeting if they wanted a different name. All but 2 people said yes. I then asked for suggestions. Of all the suggestions, Nowhere Radio was the most liked by everyone there. Now, I can understand where Alumni or faculty wouldn't care for that name. However, it was voted upon and it pushed the outdated "Jam" out of the way. In this story, Vern goes on the say that the station is now back to "The Jam" after a short time as "Nowhere Radio." He then went on to make a snide comment about the name "Nowhere Radio." Fuck you again Vern. You weren't working there when it was changed. You never asked me why it was changed. You didn't bring it to my attention that this name bothered you. However, the minute that the people who voted on it leave Dana, you and the admin change it, and then insult it? At least we tried to be a bit progressive in how we dealt with the station. Change can be a bad thing, but it can be a good thing too if given the chance. But fine Vern, be that way. One thing is for sure, and that's if Dana ever asks me for money, they're not getting it, simply because this little article pissed me off. It was bad journalism, and the only point of it was to make the current faculty/staff seem like Gods.

I'm not saying that I was the best thing that ever happened to KDCV. I'm just saying that the guy the comes in as Ops Manager after William and I didn't give a flying fuck about KDCV before he took it over, and all of a sudden he's the best thing that's ever happened to it. KDCV has been made better by every staff member, deejay, and listener who's taken the time to try to make KDCV better. According to Vern, if it wasn't for him and this shitheel ops manager, the KDCV station wouldn't even have electricity.

Now I feel a lot better. Now get offa’ my porch ‘fore I get the shotgun!

I seem to be missing something...

Today is September 11th. For some reason, that day seems to mean something, but for the life of me, I can't remember what.

Maybe it will come to me a little later.

So normally I'd talk about something right now, but i'm bored and tired and I really don't have anything to say. So I'll just move to the DVD releases for tomorrow:

• Beavis and Butt-head Do America - The Special Edition release of this movie is upon us. It's not as good as the television show, but it's still good for a laugh or two.
• Cameron Diaz Collection: I think this woman acts about as well as a board with a rusty nail through it acts as Hamlet.
• Diagnosos Murder: The Complete 1st Season - Dick VanDyke is the man. I wish he were my doctor. Even so, I'm not buying this set.
• Lucky Number Slevin - I really have no idea if this film is good or bad. See it for me and tell me what you think.
• Smallville: The Complete Fifth Season - Had I watched seasons 1 through 4, I might care about this season.
• Star Wars IV,V,VI - Yeah, the regular releases. The ones that nerdish fanboys have been clamoring for since the dawn of time. I told Samantha not to buy the releases last year. Did she listen to me? No!!!!
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Season 4 - The 4th season of the new show, not the old one. After the 4th season, this show turns into the craptacular TMNT Fast Forward that just begun.
  

Oh that's it!!! September 11, 2001! That was the day that Moby turned 36! Happy Birthday Moby!

That's it. Get outta here 'fore I beat your punk-ass!

Oh please God, say it isn't so

I've said before how much I hate pointless movie sequels. MGM has just released a list of five sequels they're planning. Let me run down this list for you real quick:

Legally Blonde 3 - Like the first two didn't suck enough ballsack. Now we'll all have to put up with more of this shit.

Cutting Edge 3 - The 2nd one was direct-to-video for crying out loud. This one will hopefully be direct-to-dumpster.

Into the Blue 2 - Yeah, Jessica Alba is one hot bee-yotch, but Into the Blue was a pretty dumb flick. It doesn't warrant a sequel, and chances are this one will have a totally different cast anyways, so who cares?

Species 4 - The 3rd one never made it to the theatres, primarily because it was a POS. I think the 3rd one was actually produced by the Sci-Fi Channel, and we all know how good their films are. I mean, look at Boa vs. Python or S.S. Doomtrooper for examples of how not to make a movie.

And the 5th film MGM is planning is actually one I don't mind being made. Although I can't really see why they decided to make this over 20 years after the 1st film:

WarGames 2 - This movie will center around what happens when the powers that be try to dismantle the computer. I at least hope they bring back Matthew Broderick. Sure, his character won't be the kid who almost kills the world anymore, but I hope they somehow work him in. Maybe the computer won't be satisfies until it plays one last game with him.

Alright, I'm done. I just had to get that, and Bob's mom, off my chest. She's one large woman.

Labor Day goodness

Not "Labour" like those British wankers like to spell it.

Today is good because I don't have to work. Yesterday was good for several reasons. First of all, I found a bunch of new toys I've been looking for, including Marvel Legends series 14. I think I'm probably one of the first people in Denver to own those bad boys. Secondly, I found one more place, the second so far, in Denver that sells delicious Jolt Cola.

Today isn't quite as good as yesterday, partially because Samantha is watching a Dark Angel marathon on sci-fi channel. Sure, Jessica Alba is hot, but that show was a piece of shit. So naturally, Samantha likes it, meaning I've got to sit here and listen to it for hours on end.

Also, I have to listen to Samantha bitch about Shampoo. That's right, shampoo. They discontinued her favorite shampoo and conditioner and replaced it with another formula or scent that she hates. I can kinda see where she's coming from. I mean, they placed these little stickers on the old stuff that said "New packaging coming soon", or something like that. It mentioned nothing about the shampoos themselves being any different. Also, at her job, she works with lab mice, and changes in scents can stress the mice out and they'll eat their yong and all if they're stressed out. So, her change in shampoo could actually affect her job. Interesting isn't it? Of course, being the loving boyfriend I am, I've been looking everywhere for the shit. One place out of 20 had a few bottles of conditioner left.

Well, I'll review the DVDs being released tomorrrow before I head out to look for more toys, and more shampoo.

• ALF: Season Four - Nah. I'll pass.
• Brazil (Criterion Collection) - An odd movie, but I like it nonetheless.
• The Complete Toxic Avenger - I never really saw the mass appeal that ol' Toxie has had over the years. Yeah, I saw all of the films and they were ok, but is anything produced by Troma really any good?
• Jackass: The Movie: Special Edition: Unrated - I have to say that when this film came out, I had no plans to see it. However, after actually watching it on DVD, I'll admit I laughed my ass off at times.
  
• Lost: The Complete Second Season - If you haven't seen this show yet and want to see it, rent the 1st and secomd seasons before even attempting to start watching the new season on ABC. Even after watching them in order, you still won't know what the fuck is going on, but it's a fun ride.
• Supernatural: The Complete First Season - I've heard that a number of people like this show. I don't because I've never seen it. I don't really plan to unless I have a lot of free time to waste.
• United 93 - Maybe this movie is good, maybe not. I just don't care to see it. I know what happened on September 11th. I know it was a horrible day. But really, I just don't give a rat's ass if I ever see this movie.
  

That's it.

No really, that's it. Get the fuck off my blog now.

Now that's just Chinese.

There's this woman who comes into our library every couple of days to check her e-mail and so forth. She also has this annoying habit of talking on her cell phone. Not only is it common sense not to talk on a cell phone in a library, but there are signs telling her it isn't allowed. So, you'd think that when a co-worker of mine asked her to take the conversation outside, she would. Instead, she just lowered her voice for a minute or two to end the conversation.

This woman's other problem is that she's computer illiterate AND she's great at stereotyping. She called me over to help her view a picture attachment from her e-mail. She was on a Mac. Now, I'm pretty damn good with computers, but I'm better with PCs than Macs. I tried the obvious applications like iPhoto and so forth, but I couldn't get the photo open. She then gave me this wonderful advice: "It's an Oriental thing. You should ask one of the Asian people when they come in. They'll know you how to do it."

Great advice. I never though about asking an Asian person, since every person of Asian descent knows everything about computers. How stupid of me not to see that before. When I ask the next Asian person who comes in how to do it, based strictly on their race, I'll also ask him or her the correct procedure to produce rice paper and how to make a bitchin' kung pao sauce for chicken.

I'll ask the next Native American who comes in to do a rain dance. I've always wanted to see an authentic rain dance.

Or maybe the entire problem with the photo situation was the computer itself, and not the technical superiority of an Asian over my stupid American brain. That Mac is at least 3 years old. Up until last week, we had 2 of those Macs, but the motherboard on one of them crapped out completely. That tells you how old they are, since Macs are built pretty damn good.

Next time I see that woman in my library, I'll pay the closest black guy I see to pop a cap in her ass, since all black people are gang members and thieves. Everyone knows that.

Behold me

Some people use their blog to update people on the happenings of their life. Unfortunately, nothing ever really happens in my life that would be exciting enough to post. It’s not that I have a boring life. It’s just that I’m the type of person who doesn’t feel the need to “open up” to everyone about what I’m going through and dealing with. If I were going through horrible personal trauma or something, it would be a lot easier I guess. But, as it stands now, my life is pretty good. I’m not saying that you all can’t tell me about what’s happening to you. Continue to whine and bitch about your pathetic lives all you want. I’ll keep reading, and I’ll keep laughing inside at your misfortunes.

Fine, I’ll give you a quick update on me before I move on to the bitching of trivial matters. I am planning on making a trip back to Nebraska in a few months for all 2 of you who give a shit. Not that I blame you at all for not caring. If I were you, I wouldn’t care about me either. I plan to be in Nebraska for about a week, but the time I have set aside to visit friends is quite short. I plan to spend at least 2 days with the parents, which leaves 5 days left. Subtract the 2 days I plan to spend with Bob’s whore of a mother, and that only leaves 3 days to split between all of my friends. It’ll be tough, but I’ll make it work. What else should I update you all on? Oh yeah, I got one of my grades for last quarter’s worth of classes. That right bitches, another A. I have a better GPA in my Master’s Degree classes than I ever had a Dana, and I’ve done less work than I ever did at Dana. This Master’s Degree program, while expensive, is as easy as Bob’s mom after a shot of Jager. I’m not saying the subjects themselves or what I have to learn is easy, but as far as homework goes, there really isn’t any. A few papers to write here and there, but other than that, it’s a walk in the park. Add to that the fact I don’t have to write a thesis to get this Master’s Degree and I’m quite thrilled. It isn’t that I couldn’t write a thesis, it’s just that all the preparation that goes into writing something that large takes a lot of preparation and time. I absolutely hate the prep work.

Are there any other updates of interest? Oh yeah, one very important one actually. After being engaged for over a year, Sam and I have finally set a wedding date. The date is: July 12, 2008. 2008 you say? Why so late you say? Well, we figured since a wedding takes a lot of planning, we’d want ample time to do so. Plus, I want to actually finish that easy MLIS degree first and that should take another year. The wedding will be here in Denver, despite Sam’s parents goading us to have the wedding in California. I’m not going to have my poor friends travel all the way to CA to be in the wedding. I honestly don’t mean anything bad by saying that my friends are poor, it’s just that most of them have blue collar jobs and the one’s that do have better paying jobs, still don’t get paid much. They’re getting Nebraska wages, and that ain’t going to cover the cost of travel to CA and a place to stay. At least here in Denver, it’s a shorter travel distance and it’s easier for me to find places for people to stay.

Enough of me. On to the
Stupid MotherFucker of the Week Award
This week’s award goes to Novartis Consumer Health Inc. Yes, a large pharmaceutical company is indeed eligible to win this. Novartis wins because of their deceitful trickery of the consumer base, including myself. You see, I suffer from migraine headaches, though not very often. Maybe I’ll get a migraine twice a year, but when I get one, oh it’s bad. Bad enough that not only does my head feel like it’s going to explode, but I feel like I’m going to puke AND my left arm usually goes completely numb. I don’t wish that kind of pain on my worst enemy. Actually, I do. That’s right, Fuck You Ayn! I hope you have 2 migraines at the same fuckin’ time you dirty Whore!!! Anyway, back to Novartis. So, the last time I had a migraine, I was headed towards home and I stopped by Wal-Mart to see what over-the-counter meds they might have for my problem, knowing that I was out of Imitrex. Imitrex being a prescription med for migraines. Over-the-counter medicines rarely work for migraine sufferers. If otc meds work for your migraines, then chances are you don’t have migraines you whiney S.O.B. Well, I see Excedrin meds on the shelf, produced by Novartis. Excedrin wouldn’t work. However, next to it, I see another Excedrin product, labeled: Excedrin Migraine. A glimmer of hope formed in my pain filled head. Long story short: The Excedrin Migraine didn’t work. Yesterday, I looked at bottles of both Excedrin and Excedrin Migraine and I found out that both products contain the EXACT SAME FUCKING INGREDIENTS, in EXACTLY THE SAME GODDAMNED AMOUNTS. Novartis can kiss my ass. They know their product won’t work for migraines, yet they don’t even have the decency to try and alter the formula so it does. They just slap another name on it and sell it to people who assume that the medicine will do what it says it does. Hey, don’t just take my word for it. Look at these information pages on the Excedrin website:
http://www.excedrin.com/products/es_pl.shtml
http://www.excedrin.com/products/migraine_pl.shtml
That’s some unethical business practices right there.

On to the DVD releases for today. I would have posted this yesterday, but I took a sick day from work and slept half the day away. Was I actually sick? My boss will never know the truth.

• Akeelah and the Bee - I really don't care if I ever see this film. Sure, Roger Ebert gave it a thumb's up, but he also gives a truckload of Bostom Creme Pie a thumb's up. Fatass.
• Arrested Development: Season Three - This is yet another example of a really funny show that Fox cancells because they can't look at the "big picture."
• Brother Bear 2 - Another shitty Disney sequel that never should have been made. This is one time that I can see the value of poaching.
• The Chuck Norris Collection - FUCK YEAH!! Stay tuned for some Chuck Norris facts later on in this very blog.
• Darkwing Duck: Volume One - I watched this toon a lot as a wee little tot. All I have to say is: Let's Get Dangerous MotherFuckers!! I added the MotherFuckers part, but I think it sounds "edgey."
• Karate Dog - Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh....yeaaaaaahhhhh. It's time this dog be put to sleep.
• The Lord of the Rings: Limited Edition - This edition covers the release of all three films on DVD today. Each release has both the theatrical and extended versions of each film for under $20 a pop. Easily worth the purchase if you skipped out on buying the huge boxsets previously released.
• Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection Vol. 10 - In the not too distant future, I'll buy this if I ever have the money. Unless that is, I use the spare money to make my robot friends. One or two nerds who actually watch this show will get that last sentence, the rest of you will forever be lost.
• The Sentinel - This film seems like a re-hash of plots used over and over again, but with Keifer Sutherland in what seems to be a very 24-ish role, I'd still like to see it.
• South Park: The Complete Eighth Season - Because I can't afford to buy this, I feel almost as poor as Kenny.
• Stephen King's Desperation - If you're a die-hard Stephen King fan, then watch this. If not, you can pass. It isn't terribly bad, but it has it's problems, mainly acting. Wait for the recent Nightmares & Dreamscapes to be released on DVD if you want some Stephen King television done right.
• Talespin: Volume One - Many of you will remember this as fondly as you remember Darkwing Duck. I never really got into this show though.
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Volume 5 - The 5th, highly anticipated, volume of the classic toon released for my viewing pleasure. I'm way fucking behind on this. I still haven't bought Volumes 3 and 4.
• The Tick vs. Season One - SPOOOOON!!!!! I've been waiting for this one for years and years. Finally, someone has enough intelligence to release this smart, and funny, adaptation of Ben Edlunds comic to the masses.
• Will & Grace: Season Five - I've said it before, but I completely despise this show with every fiber of my being.

That's it. I know I said I'd leave you with Chuck Norris facts, but honestly, I'm suffering from indigestion right now and I don't feel like entertaining you chuckleheads any longer.

I'm gone like Bob's mom's pants at a frat party.

Fuck You Canada!

That's right, I said it. Whatcha' gonna do about it Canada? That's right, nothing you pasty-faced poutine suckin freaks!

My anger is redirected partially towards Canada today because their postal service works about as well as the Pony Express would have worked without horses. I ordered some figures from a place in Toronto called Legends I think. Their price for the figures I wanted was quite reasonable, even with shipping. I ordered these on 8/16, and Legends promptly got my items to Canada Post the same day. When I go to Canada Post to view the tracking status, this is the latest update I get:

2006/08/16
18:17
MONTREAL, QC
Item accepted and entered into sortation plant

It's been in the sortation plant for 8 goddamned days?! It takes Canada Post 8 fuckin' days to look at a correctly addressed package and put it on a truck, train, or plane? UNNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!! How about you put your Molson down, turn the Hockey game off, get off your lazy asses, AND SHIP ME MY FUCKIN' TOYS!!!!

While I'm on the topic of toys being shipped to me, Fuck England too! A few posts ago, I ranted about the crippled sonofabitch who decided to screw me over a on a toy trade. Well, after I basically told the forums that he posts on that he is, in fact, a sonofabitch, he decides to trade with me after all. To refresh your memory, the toy I wanted was a MOC Absorbing Man from the Hulk Classics line. MOC means Mint On Card for your uneducated hacks. Now, Absorbing Man is one of those figures that's too expensive for me to afford to buy two, however, I do want one out of the package at some point. This handicapped fucker was sending me one in the package, which is worth a good $45. So, he sends me this figure, from England, AirMail. Oh, but here's the kicker: He sends it in a padded envelope. No, not a box that would protect it from the crushing methods used by international airmail, but a PADDED ENVELOPE. He was nice enough to write "Do Not Crush" and "Do Not Bend" and "Fragile" on the envelope. That doesn't help you stupid Jerk-Off. Those words don't "magically" stop other packages from shifting onto it during flight. Those words don't stop the sorting machines from tossing it around like a baby handled by a British nanny. Needless to say, the Absorbing Man was no longer "Mint On Card" when I got it. Sure, the figure was still in his crushed plactic bubble, but the bubble itself had completely detached itself from the card.

I'm sure glad I wanted one out of the package. It's not like I spent a shitload of money for the figure but I was expecting this one to be MOC. It's this man's idiocy that really pisses me off. You send a figure that's rare and highly sought after MOC in an envelope. As I said previously, he should be glad he's already in a wheelchair, otherwise I'd put him in one. He should also feel lucky that he traded with me and not someone else on the board as he was planning to do when he screwed me the first time, because anyome else would have expected this to be MOC and not accepted anything else, and then he really would have been fucked. I'll be sending him the figure he wants in trade in an envelope too. It works both ways assclown.

Alrighty then. I'm done bitching about shipping and am moving on to an pobservation I've made about a certain off-road vehicle. Some people say that you can tell a person by the car he or she drives. Well, I've discovered this is true with one type of vehicle in particular: The Nissan XTerra. I challenge you to be on the lookout for these vehicles and look at the drivers. My three observations on the XTerra are this:
1. Women primarily drive these vehicles.
2. The few men who drive XTerras are preppy tools.
3. Most of the women drivers, or passengers of the male drivers, are really fuckin' hot!
Go ahead and challenge this if you will, but I can almost garauntee that you'll observe the same results. If you see an XTerra, chances are there's a attractive woman behind the wheel. I've personally known several women who drive XTerras and they're all hot. Almost everytime I see an XTerra on the road, there's a hot chick driving it. Now, there are exceptions to this, naturally. The other day, I saw an old couple in an XTerra. However, they might have a really hot daughter. I saw a fat woman driving an XTerra once. She probably has a hot friend though. I believe in my observations and the trend so much that if I were looking through online personals for a hot date, and the woman says she drives an XTerra, I would set-up a date even if there was no pic of her posted. Like I said, keep an eye out and you'll see the trend too.

I'm bored with you. Go.