Tidbits, etc.

Not too many news stories shock me these days. We live in a world where pretty much anything can happen, and due to television and the internet, we hear about it. However, this news story headline on CNN.Com really does shock and disgust me:
Alabama teen charged with raping his mom
I can't actually read the story because it's a video clip and those are blocked at work. Now, I could make numerous Alabama jokes involving sex with family members, but that's too easy. Seriosly though, what kind of fucked up human would even consider this an option? It's so absurd and unvelievable you'd expect to see it as a joke on The Onion. I'm well aware of how insane some people are, but this takes it to a whole new level.

Well that was kind of depressing. On to other news. BBC.com, which I find superior to CNN has this as a headline today:
Siberia ravaged by bootleg vodka
This also sounded like a headline from The Onion. It sounds like a funny story right? Well, read the story yourself:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/6099906.stm
I was expecting some offbeat story, instead it's about poisonings and the general condition of Russia and it's people. On a side note to this, I've had to declare a personal state of emergency due to vodka on at least 1 occassion.

I went through my e-mail's Spam folder agian this morning and had a few laughs. Again, let me share with you a few Spam message subject lines I thought were funny:

• Vote for your favorite laundry detergent! - Who the hell sees this and says, "WOW, I've always wated people to hear my opinions on Tide. This is my chance!"
• Lower Homle Palyment by 30 Percelnt - I wish I could get the percelntage rate on my creldit card lowered too.
• surpass Innoceent Girl getting salacious it anallyy! - Mi Meet-sthick becumm riggidd juice thinnkkinngg abhout itt!
• Trojan Latex Condoms On Us - I think they mean free condoms.
• Looking to buy land in Costa Rica? - Not really, no.
• Are you losing your hair? - Not on my head.

On to other matters. Denver University tries to find reasaons to put holds on my account. They just put a hold on my account because they need a transcript from the University of Nebraska Omaha where I took 1 class to fulfil a credit I needed at Dana. I only have 5 classes left at DU, and they let me know they need the transcript NOW. They put a 2nd hold on my account because I need to prove that I've gotten my Measels/Mumps/Rubella shots. I proved this when I started going there, but now I have to prove it again before I can take any more classes. Next, they'll put a hold on my account claiming it's against DU guidelines to run over your professors due to "grading errors."

I guess I'll leave you with the DVD releases for this week.

• Ghost Whisperer: The Complete First Season - This show looks like complete shit.
• Mission: Impossible III - I really liked this movie. It's by far the best of the 3. Don't let your dislike for the 2nd one keep you from watching this one. this one is being released today, and not on a Tuesday like DVDs normally are.
• The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! Volume 2 - I hated this show as a child. Anything with professional wrestler Captain Lou Albano just has to suck. The laws of physics say so.

That's all. Tis a slow DVD week.

Halloween

Yep, Halloween is almost here, and I have no costume. This displeases me. I put together award winning costumes the last two years, but this year, due to limited funds, I won't be able to do so. I've been invited to the same Halloween party I've gone to the last 2 years, but I don't want to go with a shitty store bought costume. And I certainly don't want to go with no costume at all.

Other than that, I really have nothing else to say. I haven't seen any movies lately. I haven't read any good books lately, but I am going to start Anasazi Boys tonight. I'm anticipating that to be a fine book. So yeah, I'm just sitting here at work bored out of my mind.

I think I'll just review the DVDs released today and be done with it.

• An American Haunting - From what I hear, this was a dumb-ass movie.
• Batman Beyond: Season Two - I've always like this show. This will soon be added to my collection.
• Justice League Unlimited: Season One- This will also soon be part of my collection.
• Krypto the Superdog: Super Pets Unleashed - This will probably never be part of my collection.
• MacGyver: The Complete Final Season - I'll let you decide for yourselves on this one.
• MacGyver: The Complete Series - Tempting isn't it?
• Monster House - From the trailers, this movie looked like absolute shit. Apparently, my initial impression was worng since a whole lot of people seem to really like this film.
• Nacho Libre - Probably not a masterpiece, but good for a few laughs at least.
• Nightmares & Dreamscapes - I'm definately going to rent this. I only caught 3 of the 8 stories when they were shown on TNT, and none of them were bad. In fact, the first one was downright awesome.
• Reservoir Dogs: 15th Anniversary - I am not going to buy this. Yeah, everyone says it's a great film. Yeah, everyone thinks Tarantino is a God among men. I enjoyed it sure, but I'm not obsessed with it like some folk seem to be. It's a great film for drinking games though.
• Saturday Night Live: The Best of Saturday TV Funhouse - It has the Ambiguously Gay Duo on the cover, so this has to be good!
• Saw II: 2-Disc Uncut Edition - Right in time for Saw III. Great. These aren't bad horror films. I've seen worse. But they're just not quite good enough to buy.
• Slither - This movie looks fuckin' retarded. And to the retarded people out there outraged by my use of the word retarded, well, I'm sorry that you're retarded. It must really suck. It has a lot of good reviews, but I still plan on never watching this.

And that's it.

No really, that's it.

Me, and a few other people, but mainly me.

I haven't really posted pics of me or Samantha here ever. Here we go.

The 1st one is of Samantha and I. She's trying to be playful and coy. I was probably just annoyed. The 2nd one is a badly taken pic. The fault of one of my cousins. That pic is Samantha, me, and my mom and dad.

Did you say reboot the computer, or put my boot up your ass?

The IS department here at National Jewish is really starting to piss me off.

By IS, I mean Information Services. Basically what other places call the IT department. Those pompous assholes who think they know everything about every computer ever made.

The issue is quite simple really. National Jewish is the #1 respiratory hospital in the United States. We’re ranked above the Mayo Clinic. Those pussies are like #2 or #3. As the cream of the crop, one would think we’d be ahead of the average hospital as far as technology. Well, we’re not, and the IS dept. doesn’t want to do anything to change that.

All I’m asking for is wireless internet (Wi-Fi) access throughout the institution for patients and staff. If not the whole institution, then at least in the library. Everyone has Wi-Fi these days including public libraries, bookstores, Starbucks, and most other hospitals. As a library, we’re here to serve the patrons, whether they are patients or staff. National Jewish is supposed to put “Patients First.” Despite this policy, I have to tell patients at least once a day, “No, I’m sorry, you can’t access the internet here with your computer. The coffee shop down the street has it though.”

Even though we’re number 1, we don’t have campus-wide Wi-Fi like Dana College had 6 years ago. Dana Fucking College is more technologically advanced than National Jewish. It pisses me off to no end that our IS dept. doesn’t even try to make this work for the patients and staff.

If you were a staff member here, wouldn’t you want wireless access? If you were the top immunologists in the world doing groundbreaking research, wouldn’t you want wireless access? Wouldn’t you demand it? If you were a patient spending quite a lot of money to get treatment here, and taking time off work to do so, wouldn’t you feel screwed over if you didn’t have a way to connect your laptop?
IS tells us that patients can use the library computers to do their work. THAT’S NOT THE FUCKING POINT ASSHOLES. All they’re doing is making up excuses to NOT install wireless. Their concerns are ones that other institutions solved ages ago. When my boss Roz sent out an e-mail to IS yesterday concerning wireless, this was their response:

• At this time Information Systems cannot control non-NJC laptops that access the wireless network. We have a number of wireless networks in the center and are experienced in the application of wireless and how to control it, but there is no way to control the laptop, which could contain viruses. The wireless network will not be opened up in the future, unless the are new processes that work to control the laptop and the cost is reasonable.

WHAT THE FUCK???? They’re concerned over outside laptops accessing National Jewish’s internal Intranet. All we want is an internet line NOT connected to the Intranet and shunted through a wireless emitter. And you shouldn’t want to CONTROL someone else’s laptop anyway you fascist bastards. Viruses can be a problem, but there are viruses introduced to the system every damn day by e-mail and such. If your virus scan software handles that, it should be able to handle multiple instances. It doesn’t matter anyway since the library Wi-Fi wouldn’t go through the Intranet servers. You mooks say that wireless access is already at National Jewish in certain places? Well isn’t that just dandy? Sure, the IS dept. Probably has their own Wi-Fi. The library does have it for staff only, However, we don’t have the access codes for it. So, if staff does want to use it, they have to contact the one person in IS who has the code. IF that assfuck decides to answer his phone, he schedules a time to meet with the staff member and make sure their computer is virus-free before giving them the code. This process usually takes 2 days. Two goddamn days?! As for the “reasonable cost” bullshit, Dana College can afford it. Every other hospital in Denver can afford it. I’m pretty sure with all the money this place makes, it could be easily budgeted in.

You lazy fucks are denying this privilege solely on your apathy and incompetence. If my boss doesn’t take the next step, I will. The President of National Jewish told everyone, no matter how shitty their job is, to inform him of things that can be improved. I’ll inform him, and when I do, I’ll have stats on all the other medical centers that have wireless. I’ll have documentation of how wrong IS is and the need for Wi-Fi.

The staff is suffering and customer service is suffering while IS sits on their fat asses shoving Twinkies down their food holes. I sincerely wish the IS Department a great FOctober.

The funniest picture I've ever seen

What the hell is funnier than a monkey that resembles George Burns? Nothing I dare say.

Cellebration, Ham, and Films

This truly is a great time of the year for cellebration. You've got Halloween at the end of the month, and many folk take this month to take part in numerous OctoberFests around the world.
I'd feel bad if I didn't do anything special this October, so I proudly present the 1st annual FOctober Fest.

First, to the apartment managers who run this complex. For taking the time and energy to post a note on our door to tell us we own them 60 cents, FOc You!

Secondly, to the politicians running for office now, with your mudslinging and outrageous lies, Go FOc Yourself!

To Denver University's Financial Aid Office, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE ASSHOLES! FOc Off!

For now, that's all, but I'll celebrate more in further postings. Take this time to celebrate FOctober Fest by drinking a pitcher of beer and by telling someone you know about FOctober Fest!

So, I read comic books, as do many of the people who read this blog. Hopefully you'll anticipate this January release as much as I do:
ULTIMATE CIVIL WAR SPIDER-HAM CRISIS (FEATURING WOLVER-HAM) #1Written by J. MICHAEL STRACZYNSKI Penciled by MIKE WIERINGO, MIKE ALLRED, JOHN SEVERIN, NICK DRAGOTTA, ARIEL OLIVETTI and JIM MAHFOOD Cover by MIKE WIERINGO You asked for it, you got it! Quite possibly the most important comic ever! A life-changing event that will change the way you look at yourself and the world around you! Spinning out of the page of CIVIL WAR -- and every other top-selling comic crossover event you can think of – it’s ULTIMATE CIVIL WAR SPIDER-HAM CRISIS (FEATURING WOLVER-HAM)!!! He’s little, he’s pink, he knows how to bring home the bacon. He’s Spider-Ham – and he’s about to embark a kaleidoscopic, time-spanning, universe-shifting journey that will prove just how big a pig he really is. Guest-starring: Iron Ham, Deviled Ham, Fantastic Ham, Green Ham, Ant-Ham, Ultimate Captain Ham, Hambit, Hamneto, and everyone’s favorite Sorcerer Supreme -- whathisface? You know, the guy with the blue tights and red cape…Mustache…Man-servant named Wong? -- anyway, you know who I’m talking about. He’s in it, too. And Wolver-Ham – did I mention him?32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

Deviled Ham, Hambit, and Hamneto. Oh how those make me chuckle. Hopefully though, there will be a guest appearance by the Lord of Atlantis, Hamor.

You want to know what coming out on Tuesday on DVD don't you? Alright, I'll tell you, but then you have to go to bed.

• American Dreamz - Some say this movie is clever and entertaining, while others say it is both fetid and boring. I probably won't spend my money to find out, so that's up to you.
• Behind Enemy Lines II: Axis of Evil - I'll admit, I found Behind Enemy Lines to be a pretty enjoyable film. That being said, NO ONE asked for a sequel and from what I hear, this is less of a sequel and more of a shitty film trying to capitalize off the 1st film by using the title.
• The Break-Up - I, as most men, don't care for romantic comedies. This is why I won't watch this film, unless of course Samantha rents it and makes me watch it with her. This is a possibility, as is me bashing my head against the coffee table shortly thereafter.
• Charmed: The Complete Sixth Season - I know a lot of people who like sci-fi, fantasy, and other shows of this genre, and yet I don't know a single person who has bothered to buy any of these seasons.
• Feast - This is the only release that I'm really looking forward to on Tuesday. This was intended to be released theatrically last year, but it only saw limited release last month. This looks like a fun "Creature killing people in an isolated setting" movie. For the one person who'll read this and say, "That sounds like shit," I'll have you know this was done by Project Greenlight, who were the minds behind the television show Push, Nevada. That doesn't mean that this will be a good film, but I'm sure looking forward to seeing it to find out.
• The Omen - This is the remake released last June. To me, this seems like a pointless remake when the original was quite good and didn't need a remake. Maybe someone who has seen it can tell me if it's any good or not, but the general buzz is that it isn't.
• Over the Hedge - Haven't seen it, but I'm sure it's entertaining for what it is.
• Panic Room (Superbit Deluxe) - Decent film, but I wouldn't purchase this version since I found that original release in the $5 bins at Wal-Mart. That version is good enough for me.
• That 70's Show: Season Five - At first, I never watched this show due to my general dislike of sitcoms. Recently though, I've seen quite a few episodes as Samantha likes to watch the reruns. I'll admit it's a funny show.
• Rest Stop - Not only a newly-released horror movie, but also where Bob's mom can be found every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday nights blowing long-haul truckers for spare change. Both this film and Bob's mom have in common the ability to suck.

And that's it for today. I hope you've found this both informative and entertaining. Infotaining if you will. If not, well your blogs aren't any better dickheads.

Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler...

These bastards that come into this library broke the electric stapler.....again. These are doctors and such, and they can't use an electric stapler. On top of that, people take the regular stapler off the little table where we keep it for patrons to use and it goes missing for days on end. Of course, other people then decide since they need a stapler, they take mine off my desk.

I'm in charge of ordering such things as staplers. I used to order the good Swingline metal staplers for the entire library to use, because they're quite durable. Fuck that. From now on, the public staplers will be the cheapest ones I can find. And to make sure I can identify MY stapler in the library, I just bought one of those bright red 747 Swingline staplers, just like Milton cherished in the film Office Space. Milton was right, this stapler kicks ass. No one else that I know has one of these beauties. It will remain concealed under my desk on top of the computer. Just in case this one goes missing, I also ordered a backup. But the backup isn't red, it's chromed. That's right, a chrome Swingline 747 stapler baby.

So, Samantha and I got into a pretty big fight last night. After these big fights, you look back and say, "Well that was a stupid thing to fight over, I should have just shut my mouth." Not this time. I was pissed and had a right to be. You see, Samantha and I bought a buch of furniture last December when we got this apartment. Part of that included a nice Suede couch and matching armchair. Samantha's new pets are rats, 3 of them to be exact. She lets them run around on the couch with her. Last week, I noticed a few chew holes on 2 of the cushions. They aren't noticable because they're in the back and they tuck under the couch, but still, I was upset. I mean this is a brand new fuckin' couch.

So, I told her not to let the rats run around in the couch anymore. Logically, the only way to prevent them from chewing up the couch is to not let them on the couch. It's just plain goddamn common sense. She had a fucking fit and told me I can't make arbitrary decisions like that without talking to her, and that she thought the chew holes were over a month old and that the rats aren't chewing the couch anymore, blah, blah, blah.

She continued to let them run on the couch, and of curse, last night, they chew a noticeable hole on the top of the fucking armrest. It makes the entire couch look like shit now. She got all pissed because I was yelling over a material possession, the couch. It wasn't totally about the couch. It was about me expressing my concerns a week ago and her not giving a shit. It was about me trying to be proactive and prevent the damage instead of her being reactive when the damage is already done.

So, we can leave the couch like it is, looking like shit. We can get the arm fixed, which would probably cost a whole lot. Or, we can get matching couch and seat covers to cover them up. That last idea pisses me off more, because we shouldn't have to do that. Plus, it makes me feel like I'm fuckin' white trash. Also, there's a reason we picked the couch and chair we did, because we liked the color and the way it looks. Of course, we wouldn't have to make a decision what to do on the couch, HAD SHE LISTENED TO ME A WEEK AGO.

Normally, I don't badmouth Samantha, but for an educated woman, she can sure be a fucking dumbass at times.

It's like my mom always said: "We can't have anything nice." Now I know exactly what she meant.

I've decided that I'm fat. Well, I've known for quite some time now that I'm out of shape. I used to be in pretty good shape. I used to take Tae Kwon Do. I went on two 500+ mile bike trips. Bicycle, not motorcycle. I was never the fastest or the strongest guy, but I was pretty healthy. I know I'm getting fat because my pants tell me so. For the longest time, I wore pants with a 36 waist. Now, I'm up to 38, and one of my pairs of 38s now seems to be a bit too small.

I've never gone on a diet. I never needed to before now. But, I've got to do something. So, starting today, I'm going to try to eat a bit better. I'd start working out, riding a bike again, and son on, but there are problems with that. First, fitness clubs are pretty expensive, and money is a tad tight right now. Plus, I hate the atmosphere of a fitness club. I'd ride a bike, but a quality bike is at least $400. That's a lot when money is tight. I'd start Tae Kwon Do again, but that shit's expensive too.

I should loose some weight pretty quickly though. My new diet and high metabolism, combined with the excercise provided when I bone Bob's mom 4 times a day should provide satisfactory results.

So I lied

I said a week ago that I'd post a review of the move The Descent on Wednesday or Thursday. Well, I didn't do that now did I? So I lied.

I told Bob's mom I'd always be there for her no matter how many NFL teams she slept with. So I lied.

I'll correct one of these lies and review The Descent for you now. I'll also add a review for Silent Hill. With Halloween coming up, review two "scary" movies seems like a good thing to do. Mind you, these won't be well-written or in-depth reviews.

The Descent:
I've said before that I'm not a big horror movie fan. I should correct that statement. What I should have said is that I'm not a big shitty movie fan. I enjoy a good horror flick, if it's done well. Sadly, a lot of recent horror movies have been absolutely horrible. So, when I got done watching The Descent, I was glad that I didn't waste my time on one of the shitty horror films.

I won't take the time to give you the full plot or character breakdown. I'll just sum it up: A group of women get trapped in a cave system where they're killed and eaten by a group of creatures who've evolved to live in said cave system.

Is it a gory film? Sure. Although it isn't near as gory as i'd thought it would be. All the critics said it's extremely gory, and personally, I didn't thik it was all that bad. I don't like needless gore, but in this film, the gore was in the right places and in the right amounts.

The acting was just fine. Good enough that I believed the women and the plight they were in.

Cheap horror films often resort to cheap scares like the monster popping out of nowhere accompanied by a creshendo in the music. The Descent had a few moments like this, but most of the scares come from the atmosphere and the genuine horror of the situation and the uncertainty of who will make it and who won't.

That's it for the review. See, I told you it wouldn't be much. I was genuinely impressed with it and I reccommend you watch it when you get the chance. Now, I saw the European release, which has a slightly more depressing ending than the American release, but either ending works in my opinion. So see it.

Alright, now on to Silent Hill. This review will be shorter. I can't honestly say you should see this movie. I had high hopes for this film. I loved the video games and I think the director has done some good work previously. I was hoping that I would generaly be freaked out watching this film, as I often was playing the game. That never happened. It's not a horrible film by any means. Some of the visuals are downright cool. But, in the end, this film just wasn't scary. If you advertise a film as a horror film, it should at least be a little scary.

I'm going to move on the the DVD releases for tomorrow. I could talk about happenings in my life, but nothing has happened.

• The Andy Milonakis Show: The Complete Second Season - I've heard this show is quite funny. I've yet to see any of it.
• The A-Team: Season Five - The Final Season - This show was so stupid, yet so enjoyable.
• Bad Santa: Director's Cut - I have it on good authority that this movie is also quite funny. I don't know why I haven't rented it yet.
• The Butterfly Effect 2 - If you buy this, you'll wish you could go back in time and correct that mistake. Sadly, you wouldn't be able to.
• Click (Special Edition) - This is one of those movies that I don't care to see, but if I had the chance to watch it, I probably would. It's probably good for a few laughs.
• The Exorcist: The Complete Anthology - Just in time for Halloween.
• Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties - Like The Butterfly Effect 2, we have another pointless sequel that should never be.
• Magnum P.I.: The Complete Fifth Season - I don't think there's a single person on Earth who dislikes this show.
• A Prairie Home Companion - This film had great reviews, but for some reason it was a limited release film.
• Simon & Simon: Season One - FINALLY!
• Waist Deep (Widescreen) - I just don't care.

That's it. I must go now so I can finish watching the Broncos game.

Vehicular Manslaughter

No, I didn't yet commit this crime, although lately, I've sure been considering it when I gas up at the pumps.

"But gas prices have gone way down" you say. Well, I'm here to inform you that that isn't the case here in Denver, or virtually anywhere on the west coast. A few months back, gas hit a tad over $3 a gallon for regular unleaded. It was about that back in Nebraska too if I'm not mistaken. Now, the average price for gas in Washington County, NE is $2.19 per gallon. It's a smidge more where I was raised in Thayer County, NE at $2.21 per gallon. There's even a county in Iowa where gas is now at $1.91 a gallon. What is the average price per gallon here in Denver you ask?
$2.51 per gallon.
You can see why I'm a tad angered at this. The government says that we should be happy and that they've done what we've asked and got the gas prices down. That's true for a lot of folks, but we here on the west side of the country have had to put up with meager drops in gas prices while all of you fucks back east get your gas costs cut by 1/3.

By the way, this is the website where I get my gas info from:
http://www.gasbuddy.com/gb_gastemperaturemap.aspx
Look at that map and explain to me how and why the gas prices shoot up when you leave the midwest. I just don't fuckin' understand it.

I take this time to give a shout out to a few of the corporations and companies that can fuck off:
BP Amoco ARCO
Chevron
ConocoPhillips
ExxonMobil
Shell International
Texaco
There are about 300 more, but these get the salute first because they control/supply the majority of gas stations in the Denver area.

Time for the DVD releases for today. This actually is a nice transition from my gas rant, because I believe DVDs are a plastic-based product. And you can't have plastics without crude oil!

• G. I. Joe Sigma 6: First Strike - I'm one of the biggest G.I. Joe fans you'll ever know, and even I hate this show. It's a flaming pile of shit.
• Glass House: The Good Mother - A sequel to The Glass House? What?! Who the fuck asked for this?
• Greatest American Hero: The Complete Series - Limited Collector's Edition - In this case, I'm the one who asked for this.
• The Little Mermaid (2-Disc Special Edition) - I'll only be buying this to make Samantha happy.
• Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels: Locked 'N Loaded Director's Cut - Unrated - A director's cut eh? Very interesting.
• Planet of the Apes: The TV Series - IT'S A MADHOUSE!! A MADHOUSE!!!!!! Sorry, but I had to do that even though Heston isn't in this.
• Stargate SG-1: The Complete Ninth Season - Sir, the gate's opening. It looks like crap is coming through.
• Thank You for Smoking (Widescreen) - I've heard good things about this.
• X-Men: The Last Stand (Collector's Edition) - WOOT!! Oh how I've been waiting for this. For all of you naysayers who claim this to be a bad film: You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Piss off and die.

In a few days, I'll give you my thoughts on the horror movie The Descent.

This ride has come to an end. Please watch your step while you get the hell out.