How many kinds of stupid are you?

I don't know what answer you have for this question, but I can certainly answer this for my friend Brian: He is 7 kinds of stupid because he married the woman he did. His wife is actually 12 kinds of stupid, but don't just take my word for it. No, let me explain why.

His wife is, at least physically, an adult. They have a child together who is probably about 3 years old. Brian was at work because someone has to make money for the family. While Brian was at work, Brian's wife decided to go to Wal-Mart with their son and one of her friends. I'll jump ahead to the part where she gets caught trying to steal hair dye. That's right my monkey pals, Brian's wife sets an amazingly good example for their son by stealing. How fuckin' irresponsible can one be to do that in front of their child? And, who the fuck steals hair dye anyway? The real sad part about this whole ordeal is that the mother of this wife just got out of prison from doing all sorts of bad things including the manufacture and distribution of meth. You would think his wife of all people would be able to realize what happens when one makes stupid-ass decisions. Why, you may ask, am I writing about this? It's because I want everyone I know who reads this that you could have it worse. Everyone bitches and moans at least a little bit about things their significant other does to annoy and/or piss them off. Yes, my fiancee talks a little too much about things that I can't care about, no matter how much effort I put into it. Yes, she can be a bit pig-headed on certain issues. What she is not however, is a perp. In the 5 years I've known her, I can't think of a single decision she's made that has been horribly bad for her future, other than her decision to be with me. I take pride in knowing that my future wife will never be on an episode of Cops.

I love my job. Many of you poor pathetic fools hate your poor pathetic jobs, and rightfully so, becasue they do indeed suck. Not mine though. My boss is gone for the week so I informed a co-worker with seniority over me that I'll have to take a long lunch starting at 11:15 to take a hamster to the vet. This co-worker / quasi-boss told me: "Just leave for the day at 11:15 and don't bother coming back." Her reason for my afternoon off: "Well, it's going to be 55 degrees out today, you might as well enjoy it." Do any of you get the afternoon off because it's nice outside? I'm quite sure the answer is no you mindless automitons for the man. Yes, I know I misspelled automitons, but you can look up the correct spelling sitting at your desk while I'm out enjoying the sunshine. MuHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

The DVD's for tomorrow need reviewed, so I take this task on to make your lives that much easier.

• The A-Team: Season Three - I loved this show as a kid. Obviously, I was a stupid child. I've watched a couple of episodes in the last few months on television and, while not horrible, The A-Team certainly wasn't all that good either. If you liked this show, and if you can find this boxed set, and if you can afford it, maybe you should buy: The A-Team! *Note* you would have gotten that joke had you ever watched the show. And, for the record, I wouldn't buy the show, I just said it to make afforementioned joke.
• Dune: The Extended Edition - This version has been released after about 15 years of delays. This version has been aired a few times on Sci-Fi channel but has never been available to own before now, except maybe on LaserDisc. But honestly, what fuckmook actually bought a laserdisc player? This movie solidifies the fact that Patrick Stewart just plain kicks ass, whether it be with a gun, knife, or his stunningly attractive bald head.
• Knight Rider: Season Three - Everytime I watch this show, I become more and more jealous that my vehicle doesn't converse with me in clever banter while we haul ass down a desert highway at 140 MPH. Instead, my vehicle talks to me though a skeaky fan-belt which fails me while I eek along Interstate 25 at 70 MPH. In the Knight Rider Universe, their have been several talking vehicles created by FLAG: KITT, KARR, and KRO. My vehicle has been dubbed: KRAP. Just go buy this set and relive your 80's fantasies like I will.
• The Legend of Zorro (Widescreen Special Edition) - Sure, this movie got bad ratings, but that doesn't mean it's bad. I've heard good things from people I trust and I did enjoy The Mask of Zorro so I'll definately rent this, if not buy.
• Magnum P.I.: The Complete Third Season - This is just the optimal day for third seasons I guess. This also was a great show when I was a kid. Since then, I've learned that Hawaii really isn't like how it's protrayed in the show. Also, Tom Sellick isn't like how he's shown to be in the show either. Did you know he's really just an actor? WEB OF LIES!!!!!!
• Tim Burton's Corpse Bride (Widescreen) - Honestly, I had no desire whatsoever to see this film, and I still don't. It may be excellent, or it may suck balls, but I rely on you to tell me such things.
• TMNT: Turtles Against H.A.T.E. - So this comes out this Tuesday, not last as previously reported, thanks to some bad intell.

Alrighty, it's time to go and put in 2 hours worth of work before my afternoon off. This is going to be one tough day. I sure hope I can handle it. If not, I'll have to call in sick tomorrow.