Crow Assemble!!

I now realize that the Avengers Assemble battle cry really only works with the Avengers. Even then it sounds pretty dumb. Plus, I really have nothing to do battle over. The only things I feel inclined to do battle with are hobos and crippled hobos, and I think I can take some time off from that quest due to the frigid Denver nights. The cold should make my job a lot easier.

I've had two people ask me if my parents read my blog. Obviously these two people don't read my blog. Thanks for caring assholes.

You know how when you sign up for cable and the guy on the phone says: "They'll be someone coming 'round to hook up your cable sometime between 7 A.M. on Thursday and 4 P.M. Friday. If you're not there when we stop by, we'll have to reschedule." We've all dealt with shitty service such as that. Now, I'm getting this kind of crap at work. The maintenance men* are supposed to raise my entire desk section up about 3 inches so that a file cabinet can fit underneath. They tell me to have everything off of the desk when they get here so they can quickly do it, but they're not telling me when they'll be here. So I'm just supposed to remove everything, including this computer, off the desk and wait for these sonsofbitches? I guess I'm not expected to do any work today. Not that I would anyway mind you. Well, guess what? When they get here, they'll just have to wait. Yeah that's right, I said it. They'll wait and they'll like every minute of it.
*Some of you may be upset that I used the term "maintenance men" instead of "maintenance persons" or something else equally pc. But come on people, we all know women can't lift heavy things and therefore aren't suited for such demanding work as a maintenance job requires. And, even if a woman did have a maintenance job, we all know she'd just spend the whole day bitching about it anyway.

I saw two movies this weekend. The first was: The Cave. It has been trashed enough, by myself included, that I had to rent it. It isn't as bad as I expected, but since I expected nothing but filth, that isn't saying much. Anyone who can form complete thoughs can pretty much extrapolate what's going to happen throughout the entire film. The first part of the movie goes kinda slow, and since there isn't much plot or character development, I kept hoping that the creature attacks would start to pick up at any minute. Now, even as a creature killin' shit type of film, it's only semi-enjoyable. Even if you are a fan of this genre, you'll find The Cave to be a weak movie at best. If you really want to watch a movie where the themes are isolation and creatures killin' shit, stick with these: Alien, Aliens, Alien 3, The Thing, and to an extent, Pitch Black.

The second movie I viewed was: Four Brothers. I actually expected this to be quite god and was a bit disappointed. Now, it isn't bad, but to me, it's just another movie where some guys have to take revenge for a murdered family member while finding out along the way that it isn't as simple as it seems at first. I really don't have much to say about it other then I just wasn't impressed. I should explained why I was unimpressed but I can't. Time to move on.

Well, since you eagerly anticipate my weekly DVD reviews, I won't let you down. Unless you want me to review these DVDs while fully clothed, in which case, I will let you down.

• The Batman: The Complete First Season - No, this isn't the excellent show you're thinking of. This is the new cartoon which has a young Bruce Wayne going up against...ah shit, I can't even write up a synopsis for this show without becoming horribly depressed and angry. This show sucks Bat-Dick.
• Doom (Unrated Extended Edition Widescreen) - This has nothing to do with the film, but I just discovered that Doom spelled backwards is Mood. That's kinda cool, and sadly, is the only cool part about this movie.
• Elizabethtown (Special Collector's Edition - Widescreen) - Whereas some of this director's previous films have been quite good, this movie just looks mind-numbingly boring and dull. I don't want to see it, ergo, I won't see it. Once again, I rely on you people to tell me if it really does suck or if I'm just being overly critical.
• MirrorMask - This is written by Neil Gaiman, so I'd like to at least rent it to give it a shot. Of course, Gaiman wrote Sandman material, but he also wrote some other quality books like Neverwhere and American Gods, both of which have my high recommendations.
• The Net 2.0 - Did The Net with Sandra Bullock really make enough money to warrant a direct-to-video sequel? The answer is no my friends. I've heard you can find a copy of the on the internet for free download from the movie studio. All you have to do is enter this information: Username: Net 2.0 Password: CraptasticPieceOfShit *Note* Username and password are case sensitive.
• Speed (Collector's Edition) - What do you do when you've got the option to either buy this film or take a bullet in the head? What...do you...do? In this case, I'd buy the film, because it wasn't all that bad. What do you do if you have to buy Speed 2: Cruise Control or take a bullet in the head? What...do you....do? In that case, take the bullet, by God, take the fuckin' bullet.
• Teen Titans: The Complete First Season - I'd take the bullet here too.
• Wallace & Gromit - The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (Widescreen) - It's Wallace & Gromit, so naturally I have nothing bad to say about this movie. Once again, I must be honest and admit that I haven't seen it yet, but it's a Wallace & Gromit movie so it's going to kick more ass than an Electronic Automatic Ass-Kicking Machine.

It's time for me to go now. Much like Mister Rogers, there's only so much time I can spend talking to my audience before an uncontrollable rage sets in. I too must change into my sneakers and sweater and take leave. Until next time, neighbor.