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This will be a HUGE blog since I haven’t posted in a while.

I’ll start off with a serious matter:

Angelina Jolie is reportedly in Vietnam to adopt a child. Don’t get me wrong; adopting a child is a wonderful thing to do. What I find troublesome is that Angelina Jolie apparently didn’t take the time to consider adopting a child here in the United States. Sure, there are a lot more children that need homes outside of the U.S. than inside, but from what I can deduce, there are at least 500,000 foster children in the U.S. that need homes. In 2005, 22,728 foreign-born children were adopted and entered the U.S. Like I said, that’s commendable, but there are at least 22,000 children here in this country that go to bed each and every night praying to have a home and a family. Angelina doesn’t have to go to Vietnam to adopt. Chances are, she didn’t even have to leave her city of residence.

I do understand that adoptions here in the States have some issues. The mother can basically change her mind anytime in the first 2 years of the adoption. It’d suck to adopt, and then have the child taken away after a few years. Also, the mother is now given rights and the means to find her child again really whenever she wants. Oh, she was a crack-whore when she gave away her child, but now she wants to be the kid’s mother 13 years later? So yes, I can see where folks, and specifically people in the public spotlight,

Madonna recently did the same damn thing; it just wasn’t Vietnam in her case. I guess adopting a foreign kid is the new hip thing to do. Instead of toting around a pocket poodle in your handbag, you can tote around an Asian tot. The pocket poodle thing is sooo last week.

Or you can get a Vietnamese kid and a pocket poodle, and your new child can learn to cook his native cuisine.

HA! That was both funny and inappropriate!

Here in Colorado, you can choose from at least 60 different license plate styles for your car. I shit you not, at least 60. You can get a special plate if you’ve adopted a Greyhound dog for shit’s sake. I think it’s comical that I saw a woman driving around with a “Find a Cure” for breast cancer license plate, yet she was sucking on a cigarette. Breast cancer needs a cure now, but lung cancer can fucking wait. She may be hacking up blood in 10 years, but she’ll be damned if she does it with only one tit.

I’m sure you’ve encountered the idiot college frat guy who, when speaking to you, always calls you “bro.” Maybe you know that guy who wears jeans that are too damn tight, a cowboy hat, and insists on calling you “Pardner.” Could the bane of your existence be the southern gal at the diner who always calls you “Sugar” regardless of your physical appearance, financial status, or even gender? Personally, I HATE it when people do this. I have a name and, while I’m at work, it’s even boldly displayed on my work badge. There’s a new patient here who frequents the library who insists on not learning my real name. While in the cafeteria, he says to me, “Hey do ya mind passing the pepper this way, Chief?” In the library, it’s, “Thanks a lot for the help Chief.” Listen up Sport, my name is Sean. Unless you’re present when I dance around my apartment in my boxers with my feathered headdress and Pawnee war club, you’ve got no basis for calling me Chief.

Are these terms supposed to be clever, or endearing in some way? Am I your friend now because you called me Chief? If so, that’s awesome! I’ll go home, pop a few brews in the fridge, throw some of them lil’ smoked barbecue weenies in the crock pot and I’ll await your arrival so we can jam to Manhattan Transfer.

Manhattan Transfer, get it? Manhattan was a tribe of Indians. I’m so God Damn clever.

Now to television:

First, I noticed in a commercial for WWE Wrestling that Donald Trump is playing a part in a current storyline. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Donald recently call Rosie O’Donnell “trashy,” and a few other names? I’m sorry Donald, but you have no reason to call someone else white trash when you’re on pro wrestling. I’m not saying that pro wrestling is just for white trash, I’ve watched it on occasion, I used to watch it a lot in college, and I know someone that’s worked for WWE. However, one has to admit that the white trash stereotype is solidly affixed to wrestling and appearing in it makes what Donald said seem quite hypocritical. Donald is just a whiny bitch. So is Rosie, but she isn’t on WWE at the moment. Although, she is quite mannish and would probably do well there screaming obscenities and pile driving opponents to the matt.

Oh, I’ve got the perfect WWE on-stage name for Rosie O’Donnell: Rosie the Riveter. She’s come out in flannel and steel-toed work boots with a rivet gun over her shoulder.

Secondly, the fiancée was watching television the other night. She turned it to the movie Resident Evil 2. What made me do a double take was the channel it was on. Resident Evil 2, a video game based film with lots of gore, violence, and shitty dialogue was being shown by the Oxygen Network. What the hell?! The Oxygen Network, if you aren’t familiar with it, was formed in part by Oprah. It’s a network aimed towards young women. They show reruns of Ellen and Mad About You and show their own programs such as The Janice Dickenson Modeling Agency. Showing Resident Evil 2 on the Oxygen Network is like showing mother fucking Commando on the Lifetime Network. What was even funnier about it were the commercial breaks. They had commercials for Tickle Me Elmos. The Oxygen Network should learn about a little thing called demographics and target audience. This is almost as bad as the Sci-Fi Network showing ECW wrestling on Tuesday nights. Yeah, like the same guys who watch Stargate are really the type of guys that like wrestling. Most of the guys who watch Stargate have only ever wrestled jelly donuts or D&D dice from their morbidly obese friends.

I’m really not trying to bash wrestling, but it just keeps coming up.

Lastly, 24. I can’t be the only person who thinks this show is getting really freakin’ pointless. All the terrorists have to do next season to defeat Jack Bauer is make sure the crises lasts 25 hours, and then we’re all fucked.

Two nights ago, I saw The Road Warrior in a theater. Oh yes, you heard me right. A United Artist theater here in Denver plays old movies every Wednesday night. I didn’t know about this until my buddy Shanecho asked me if I wanted to see The Road Warrior. Hell yeah I did! Other than my fiancée Samantha, who would be dumb enough to pass up that opportunity? What really topped off the night was the replica V8 Interceptor sitting outside the theater. I didn’t have a camera with me, but it looked exactly like this one:

An actual Ford Falcon all Mad Max’ed out. I so wanted to hop in and haul ass down I-25 with the windows down screaming maniacally. The “placard”, as Shane called it, stated that the replica Interceptor can pretty easily hit 160 m.p.h., or 257 k.p.h. if you’re one of those Metric System bastards.

The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets forty rods to the hogshead, and that's the way I likes it!

Tell me what episode of The Simpsons that quote is in, and you will win a 100 count box of #1 size paperclips. This way, when you type out and print all the useless crap you’ve learned while living in your mom’s basement, you’ll have a much easier time organizing it into managable piles.

So I think I’ve cursed myself musically. Last week, while chatting with someone online, I joked about the 80’s band, Men Without Hats. In the last two days, while scanning through the radio, I’ve happened upon The Safety Dance twice. Before 2 days ago, I hadn’t heard The Safety Dance twice in the last 2 years. I crack jokes about Neil Diamond all the time too, and after turning it away from The Safety Dance in disgust this morning, my radio magically finds the song Cherry, Cherry. Later in the day, while getting some groceries at Albertson's, I heard Sweet Caroline. I made a humorous wisecrack about Falco last week. I wonder when that one’s gonna come back to bite me on the ass.

In interesting side note. Did you know that Neil Diamond has a song named: Crunchy Granola Suite? I’ve heard that there was a written, but unrecorded, sequel to this song titled: Fiber Makes me Shit Better.

Maybe you didn’t find that last joke humorous, but just picture this guy standing on stage belting out those lyrics and you’ll laugh too.

I bought Casino Royale on DVD yesterday. Damn, that’s one fine film right there. Even if you’ve hated all the previous Bond films, this one is worth watching, because it’s different than all other Bond films. It’s better than all other Bond films. There are folks out there that argue constantly on who has been the better Bond. Most say Connery, while others say Moore or Brosnan. There are even a few who like Dalton and Lazenby, but Craig would kick all their asses, rope their bodies together as a makeshift raft, and sail to Afghanistan to hunt down Osama with his bare hands. What I’m trying to say is, go watch Casino Royale. You won’t be disappointed.

Yes, I am indeed aware that Afghanistan is a landlocked country, but I was on a roll there, what else was I to do?

Another side note: Did you know that Afghanistan translates to: Land of Afghans? Well, it does. Real clever name they got isn’t it? I wonder how many other ideas they threw away before they decided on that gem. I guess the United States isn’t all that clever either.

“Well Bill, this is a bunch of separate states united together to form a union, what should we call it? I’d like the name to convey that this country is both united yet formed of individual states.”

“Uh, I was thinking: United States.”

“Hmmm. I like it Bill. I like it a lot. Let’s go with it. Now, what should we call this State here that’s sitting directly south of North Carolina? That sonofabitch has me stumped.”

I’ll end this blog with speak of Hollywood sequels and remakes.

First, I heard that Cabin Fever 2 is either filming now or will film soon. I know I say a lot of movies are bad, but Cabin Fever was truly one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Any actor with a shred of self-respect wouldn’t be in a crap sequel like this.

The Hills Have Eyes 2 is coming out very soon. I’m guessing that, if the hills indeed had eyes, they would gouge them out before watching this film.

Do any of you remember the 1978 horror/comedy film called Piranha? Or, perhaps you’ve seen 1981’s Piranha 2: The Spawning, directed by none other than James Cameron. Well, Dimension Films, the bright folks they are, have decided to re-make Piranha. It will be directed by the French filmmaker Alexandre Aja, who last directed The Hills Have Eyes. Do you see how the circle of filth comes back around? Aja says he wants to pay homage to all the "creature films that made me fall in love with the genre." Usually when someone says they want to pay homage, it usually just means they’re going to rip off every idea they can and then whenever someone calls them on it, they say it isn’t a rip-off, but a “homage.”

The last re-make I’ll mention is one I’m actually looking forward to. New Line Cinema has won the rights to Escape from New York. Gerald Butler will play Snake Plissken this time around. The original Escape from New York was actually a pretty shitty film. The sequel, Escape from L.A. was even shittier. I always liked the premise of the films though, and to see Escape from New York done well could really be pretty damn sweet.

What did you say? I can't hear you!

Regular disabled people are just fine, but there are a few that just insist on being self-righteous shitheads and it's starting to piss me off.

Take a classmate of mine who can't hear very well. No John, I'm not talking about you. This woman, who'll I'll call Tina because that's her name, is quite hard of hearing, and she's the type who makes sure everyone knows it, and she makes sure to let us all know what we have to do to accomodate her.

I'm in a small group with her and we met after class the other night. One would think that if you've lived over 30 years with this disability, like Tina has, you would try to make things easier on yourself. Our small group all sat on chairs, while Tina decided to sit on the floor. She decided to look at her computer and take notes all the while we were meeting.

Then, she gets pissed off because we aren't talking "at" her. The fact is, if she isn't looking at us when we talk, she can't hear us well. She chose to sit on the floor, below eye level, and stare at her computer. She gets pissed at us because we aren't "accomodating" her? What are we supposed to do, tap her on the goddamn shoulder before we start each and every sentence to make sure she's looking at us? It's true that people without disabilites often don't make the necessary accomodations for disabled people, but when the disabled person places all the blame for their misunderstanding on me, it really annoys the hell out of me.

Yes, you're disabled. Yes, God took a big shit on your life. I get it.

Like I said, I don't hate people who are different than me. My friend John is both hard of hearing and terribly short. A double whammy if you ask me. Do I hear him bitching? Do I hear him telling everyone about it? Hell no. My pal Shane is a dibetic who needs to take insulin shots at least twice a day. Yes, it's an inconvenience, but he doesn't bring it up to every chap he meets. I went to high school with a gal confined to a wheelchair. Did I hate her? No. Did she bitch and moan about her condition? Actually, she did quite a lot, but she never made anyone else feel guilty about not performing to her expectations.

So there you have it. A rant about an asshole disabled person. I guess you can add this to my un-pc rant on the homeless. And yes, I know that "disabled" isn't the right tern nowadays, but it sounds much better than: Unabled, Nonabled, Deficientlyabled, and Flawedabled.

On to other things. I saw the new Marvel Studios animated film The Invincible Iron Man. I've owned it for a few weeks but hadn't gotten around to watching it until last night. I wasn't expecting to be wowed since Ultimate Avengers and Ultimate Avengers 2 were a tad dissapojting. Iron Man turned out to be pretty good. In fact, I would go so far as to say it turned out really good. The dialogue was much improved over the Avengers films. The animation was great as well. I was worried that the animation of Iron Man in action would look, well, clunky and unnatural. It looked exactly how I would expect a man in a giant metal suit to look. Cartoon Network played it tonight and didn't bother promoting it, so no one really knew it was on, myself included. It doesn't look like they're playing it again anytime soon, so rent it, or buy it, and enjoy it as I did.

Well, that's it for now I guess.

Ice and Poop

Yes, I will explain.

Ice. Ice was the cause of Samantha's car accident today. I am oficially both sick and tired of all this snow, ice, and bitter cold we've had here for over 2 months now. After today's mishap, if I ever see Jack Frost or Mother Nature, I'll kick them in the nuts. Mother Nature probably doesn't have nuts, but I'd do it anyway. Until today, Samantha has never had an accident. I've told her for years it was inevitable. I wasn't trying to jinx her, I was just stating a fact. I think everyone will be involved in some sort of car accident in their life.

I don't understand how she achieved the level of damage to her car that she did. Her car spun out and did a few 360's before smacking the curb. A curb huh? A curb probably wouldn't snap the front bumber in two and almost rip it from it's perch on the car frame. She tells me there was no other car involved, and I believe her, but something else had to be involved in this wreck. Maybe she didn't notice what it was while making the revolutions in terror, gripping the steering wheel in a vain attempt to locate traction that didn't exist, but something else was involved. It might have been a street sign, or a fence post, or a fire hydrant, I just don't know.

So it's going in to be looked at by our insurance company tomorrow. We have full coverage on it, so o matter what it costs to fix it, we just have to worry about our $500 deductable. $500 is a lot though, so I want to be pissed off, but I can't be. Accidents happen. I want to ask her why the hell she was going 30 to 35 mph on a possibly icy street, but truth be told, I would have been going the same speed. And, it was 5:30 A.M. so she didn't really even have a chance to see the skating rink she was plowing towards.

Now you want to hear about the poop don't you? Of course.

This will probably be a bit too much info, but we both know it won't stop you from reading. About 2 months ago I was stricken with the worst case of diarrhea I've ever had. I sat on the toilet so long, Sam told the post office to forward my mail there. I felt like I was going to die right there on the crapper. How god damn embarressing would that have been?

Let me move along to the point. Tonight while watching local news, I see that there has been a mass peanut butter recall because of a salmonella outbreak. The generic Wal-Mart peanut butter was listed as a source as was the Peter Pan brand. The product code of this tainted nut butter started with 2111. Well it appears that we have a jar of Wal-Mart peanut butter, and it seems to have a product code starting with 2111. Ninety percent of that jar of PB was empty. Sam doesn't eat a lot of peanut butter, so I probably consumed most of the tainted jar.

I had salmonella from fucking peanut butter. People die from salmonella and I got it from peanut butter? That doesn't seem right to me. I could understand it if I bit into a hunk of raw, warm trout, but peanut butter?

Apparently, I can send the PB lid into ConAgra foods in Omaha for a full refund. So I can spend 1 dollar to mail a PB lid in so I can get a whopping check for 2 dollars in return? Well that's just an awesomely generous move on the part of ConAgra. I get a dollar, and all I had to do to get it was sit on the pot for 20 hours straight shitting my guts out until I almost died.

FUCK YOU CONAGRA.

Oh I'll send the PB lid back to you, you glorious bastards, along with a stool sample for you to analyze.

Every Homosexual Likes Broadway Show Tunes

I’m not, nor have I ever been, the most politically correct individual. In fact, I’ve made enough poor-taste cripple jokes to reserve a spot in Hell for an extended stay. So, when I think that something has gone a bit too far, or is a bit too poor in taste, then it’s really saying something.

I think the cafeteria that serves my place of employment has indeed crossed a line of poor taste. Every so often, they have “themed” meals where every item served matches the theme. They have a themed meal each year when the National Western Stock Show is in town. Tomorrow, they’re having a Black History themed meal. This is the menu:

Black History MENU
February 1, 2007

SOUPS: West African Peanut Soup*
Jr’s Chili Soup with Sausage

$4.45 LUNCH SPECIAL: Vegetable Jambalaya*© with Small Beverage
Ola’s Catfish with Creole Sauce and Hushpuppies
Jamaican Jerk Chicken
Marinated Steak with Red Beans and Rice
Sweet Potatoes
Creamy Corn

COLD PLATE: Cold Fried Chicken Platter

DESSERTS: Sweet Potato Pie
Georgia Apple Betty

African Soup? Sweet Potato Pie and Catfish? Mother fucking Hushpuppies? This is perhaps the most blatant stereotyping I’ve seen since I last stereotyped the entire Mexican people as being dirty, lazy bastards who can’t be bothered by the task of learning the English language. Why don’t we add some dishes to this menu like: Slave Stew, Watermelon Salad, Tarbaby Biscuits and Gravy, and Nigger No-Bake Chocolate Mousse Pie.

While I’m speaking about things in poor taste, I’ll speak about the weather here in Denver. This week will be the 7th consecutive week with snowfall, as well as the 7th consecutive week with temperatures dipping below the “Really Fucking Cold” mark. Right now it’s 2:55 P.M. here in Denver. This time of the day is when the daily high temperatures are normally reached. The temperature right now is 18 degrees, but it feels like 6 with the windchill and all that crap. The temperature in Juneau, Alaska right now is 34 degrees. Just for kicks, I wanted to see what the temp in Siberia is. They’re at 14 degrees right now. Sure, it’s colder right now in Siberia than here in Denver, but it’s also 5 A.M. in Siberia. They’ll at least have a balmy temp of 20 by 3 P.M.

If it gets any colder, Russia will start sending their exiles to Denver to die.

The television industry is going ahead with a Mr. and Mrs. Smith movie. They had to do it because the movie was actually good and it was somethig I enjoyed. I'll hope it doesn't suck, but I'm not holding my breath. Take a look here if your bitch-ass doesn't believe me. http://www.comingsoon.net/news/tvnews.php?id=18670

I ran across this news story today about the State of Minnesota temporarilly banning high school wrestling because of a herpes outbreak that wrestlers are highly succeptable to. The actual name is Herpes Gladiatorum. How freakin' awesome is that?! A virus that, due to it's transmission method, targets athletes. I prayed for this 10 years ago, and although he's a bit late on the execution, God's response is appreciated nonetheless. http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/conditions/01/31/herpes.wrestlers.reut/index.html

DVDs came out yesterday. These are the titles of note:

Flyboys (Widescreen) – This one flew threw the theatres and successfully bombed.

The Marine (Unrated Edition) – I like action movies, but even I looked at the trailer for this one and judged it to be a pile of filth. I dare you to watch the trailer and find one more spot where another needless explosion could be added.

Open Season (Special Edition, Widescreen) – I’ll watch this one if given the chance.

The Passion of The Christ: Definitive Edition – Definitive eh? Usually I’m a sucker for words like that, but ol’ SugarTits Mel ain’t gonna trick me this time.

The Silence of the Lambs (Collector's Edition) – If you don’t already own this film, then it’s obvious you’re a poor decision maker. Go buy it already. This way, you’ll have fond memories of Hannibal Lector instead of the bitter hatred that the film Hannibal Rising will cause.

That's it.

Morons I dare say!!

This posting concerns 2 bits of stupidity I have encountered today.

The 1st bit of stupidity is E-Bay related:
If you aren’t legally blind, then take a look at these 2 pictures. The 1st one is from the listing of an item I won an Ebay. The 2nd picture represents the figure I actually received.














When I contacted the seller about the issue, this was the response I got:

"I'm very sorry. I thought I was shipping the exact item as the picture. My mistake. "

Yes, it is your mistake. It’s your mistake that you’re an idiot who can’t be bothered with the mundane task of verifying the item you’re selling. Yes, they’re the same character, but as anyone with an I.Q. over 6 can see, they’re quite different color-wise.

The 2nd bit of stupidity is significant other related:

I’ve said before that I generally don’t disparage my future wife. That being said, I have to rant about today’s bit of stupidity that flowed forth from her.

She wants a new computer, specifically a kick-ass gaming laptop. Fine, I can get behind that. The last computer bought was for me so if she wants one now, I can justify the purchase.

What I can’t justify is a needless expense. She wants an Alienware computer. Maybe she wants it because she can get it in a pretty metallic blue color. Maybe she wants it because she likes the name. Frankly, I don’t give a shit why. If she builds this computer the way she wants, it totals up to around $2800. That isn’t going to happen. I’ve looked into the matter, and discovered that we can have Dell, Toshiba, Gateway, or HP build one with more than Alienware’s $2800 version for around $2200.

This better version by any other company would have a faster processor, more RAM, a better graphics card, a bigger hard drive, more software, and a better warranty than Alinware’s version for $600 less. When I told Samantha about this, she got all uppity and said:

“More isn’t always better.”

Honestly, isn’t that about the dumbest and most illogical comment one could say on this issue? Had I not heard this utterly ridiculous comment while in a crowded cafeteria, I think I would have responded with a phrase containing the words: “What the fuck,” and “Have you lost your fucking mind?” The point of a kick-ass gaming computer is to have the one with the best hardware available. I’ll be using this new computer for games too, and I’ll be damned if I’m paying $600 more than I have to for a machine I’ll have to upgrade sooner.

I need to go home and cry now.

Fire...BAD!!!!

I'm waiting for class to start so I may as well take the time to add more to the filth which is the internet.

Today started off with a phone call from my mother regarding my father almost killing himself. Apparently, he was trying to light to pilot light on their ancient furnace. Due to a faulty safety valve, he succeeded in lighting himself. he now has first degree burns on part of his arms and is missing more of his hair in addition to what poor genetics has already taken. I think it's time to give my father an honorary codename, much as an X-Man or G.I. Joe soldier would have. If you have any suggestions, do let me know. As far as my own ideas go, I've narrowed the choices down to four:
Flashpoint
Matchbook
Mercaptan
Pro-Pain
Let me know which you prefer.

There is a certain type of person who feels liek everything they have to say is of importance. Everyone else is naturally supposed to listen and find value in what they have to say. These people will interrupt other people to make sure that everyone know what point is being made. These people will say the first thing that pops into their head no matter how inane, pointless, and obvious it is. These people may be intelligent, or they may be dumber than a sackful of hammers. A fellow calssmate of mine is one of these people. I can't tell if he's smart or stupid. I can't tell what his likes and dislikes are. I can't tell if he's a Republican, Democrat, or Fascist. All I know is that I just want him to shut the fuck up. I can't be the only person who clenches my fist in frustration every time he opens his piehole. My asthma aside, I wish I smoked so I could put a lit cigarrete out on this prick's forehead.

Well, I hate to cut and run, but it's difficult to type here, browse EBay, and pretend to listen to the instructor all at once. Something has to go and it's you.

Tickets Please!

It’s that time where I tell you what movies of note will be released in 2007. I’ll rate them according to this scale:
RMFR = Run Mother Fucker, Run! I’ll do everything in my power to avoid a film with this rating.
FIIK = Fuck If I Know. This means I’m undecided.
AM = Andy’s Mom. This means I’ll see it, but there could be better films.
SY = Shit Yeah! A film I will definitely see.


Hannibal Rising – The previous Lecter films all have their charm, but that may be due the presence of Anthony Hopkins as the civilized psychopath. This film is about a young Lecter, hence no Hopkins. It doesn’t look all that interesting, but maybe as I see more, I’ll form a different opinion. FIIK

Ghost Rider – Another Marvel comic book movie. That certainly isn’t a bad thing. This is directed by the guy who directed Daredevil. Daredevil was surprisingly dark, as Ghost Rider needs to be. I have high hopes for this film. SY

Black Snake Moan – Everything I’ve heard of this film says that it’s great. I’ve heard these things about films that turned out to suck ballsack. It looks good, but it isn’t a priority. AM

The Hills Have Eyes 2 – Finally a horror film where teenagers are relentlessly stalked and brutally murdered by a, or a few, freakish killers. That was sarcasm. RMFR

Zodiac – Based off the true story of the Zodiac killer. It’s directed by Fincher, so that’s a plus, but I’m not big on these psychological killer flicks. FIIK

300 – Stylistically this movie is supposed to be fuckin’ amazing. They said that about Sin City too, and they were right, but the movie lacked in a lot of other ways. I’ve heard early reports that 300 is also lacking in the aspects that make a good movie great. AM

TMNT – That means Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for you ignorant fucks. The CG animation looks gorgeous and the dialogue I’ve heard so far seems pretty solid. SY

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters – Sure, the TV show can be extremely hilarious, but will this 22 minute show transfer into a 90 minute film well? I’ve heard that it doesn’t despite having Bruce Campbell voice a chicken nugget. FIIK

Are We Done Yet? – The sequel to the Ice Cube family film Are We There Yet? If you mean nausea, then yes, I am already there. RMFR

Grindhouse – Being a joint film between Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodrigeuz, a lot of rabid fanboys are going apeshit for this over-the-top kill fest. The trailer reminds me of Sin City and that’s a negative, although Kurt Russell stars in the Tarantino half of the film, and I do like Kurt Russell. FIIK

Hot Fuzz – A comedy from the makers of Shaun of the Dead about law enforcement in England. I think it’s funny that the English authorities believe they actually have any authority. AM

Pathfinder – What happens when Vikings and Native Americans meet? The answer is a lot of gore and sweet-ass fight scenes. Although not even close to historically accurate, this film looks like it has potential to entertain the shit out of me. AM

Spider-Man 3 – Anyone who isn’t looking forward to this movie reeks of poopie. That’s right, I said it, poopie. SY

28 Weeks Later – Because a good movie has to have a sequel. Honestly, I don’t know if 28 Days Later was good. I never watched it. FIIK

Shrek the Third – Although I have never been a huge fan of the 1st two, I admit they are quite funny. This will make an assload of money whether I see it or not. AM

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End – This franchise has been the biggest moviegoing surprise I’ve had in years. I thought the 1st one who be a childish and clichéd film. I was horribly wrong, and I’m glad I was since the sequel was just as good. This is in the top 5 films I must see this year. SY

Hostel: Part II – I have nothing good to say about this film. RMFR

Ocean's 13 – Based of installments 11 and 12, this one is a must see. SY

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer – Critics have bashed the hell out of the 1st film, and sure, it has some problems; however, the trailer for this film makes it look freakin’ awesome. SY

Evan Almighty – Despite being a Jim Carey film, I liked Bruce Almighty. I don’t think I’ll like this one near as much. FIIK

Live Free or Die Hard – Finally another Die Hard film! I love the Die Hard franchise so far. Len Weismann is directing this one, which gives me cause for concern. He’s the hack who directed both Underworld films. I’ll go to see it with reservations, but I’ll see it nonetheless. SY

Ratatouille – This year’s entry by Disney and Pixar centers around a rat who likes really good food. It looks like a better premise than Cars, which I haven’t seen despite being a Pixar fan. FIIK

Transformers – I don’t care what the bitchy-ass fanboys say about this film. This film looks like a spectacular robots, carnage, shit blowing up, over-the-top, mega-blockbuster of a film by Michael Bay. Bay does this kind of film a lot with mixed results, but in this case, I think it’s exactly the kind of movie needed to bring the Transformers to the big screen. SY

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix – So far I’ve enjoyed all the other films in this series. I haven’t read any of the books, and I won’t because I want to be surprised when I see this in theatres. SY

The Simpsons Movie – I’d say that over 15 successful years on television is reason enough for this movie. SY

The Bourne Ultimatum – I really really liked the 1st 2 films, but since I haven’t yet seen any promotional materials for this yet, I’m not quite as stoked as I should be. AM

Rush Hour 3 – Parts 1 and 2 were funny, but I’m note sure if a 3rd part is needed. If anyone can do it well though, it’s Brett Ratner. FIIK

Halloween – This movie is just now being cast, but I’ve heard enough to know that it will most like be a piece of shit. There are some things that don’t need to be re-made, and Michael Myers is one of those things. RMFR

Resident Evil: Extinction – Both other Resident Evil flicks were kind of shitty, but I found myself more entertained than I should have been with them. I’m not saying this movie will be good, but part of me still wants to see it. AM

Bean II – I believe that Rowan Atkinson is a funny man, but chances are I won’t spend my cash to see it in theatres. FIIK

30 Days of Night – The graphic novel this is based on was actually frightening in a way most horror-based graphic novels can’t achieve. I’m not a huge fan of vampire films, but I’d like to see how well this gets translated. AM

Saw IV – Enough already. Just enough. Yes, these films make a great deal of money, but money shouldn’t be the reason behind pointless sequel after pointless sequel. Uwe Boll makes horrible sequels like Bloodrayne II, but he makes them because he wants to make them, not because it will make him a wealthy man.

Beowulf – Any fan of the original work would love to see a film that’s as close to the epic source material as possible. I’ve heard this film is just that. This could very well be a great film, but only time will tell. AM

I Am Legend – This is based upon the book I Am Legend. Clever huh? This has been adapted previously into film, most notably The Omega Man starring Charlton Heston. This adaptation will star Will Smith. I’ve always liked post-apocalyptic movies. AM

Alien vs. Predator 2 – I’m a big enough fan of the Alien and Predator fanchises that I’d like to be praising this film. I’d like to, but I can’t. Maybe it will be good, but most likely it will fail miserably. FIIK (and that’s being generous)

National Treasure: The Book of Secrets – The 1st film was another surprise film from Disney. I thoroughly enjoyed it and I’m hoping the sequel is as fun as its predecessor. SY

The following films do not yet have release dates. Their release in 2007 is certainly in question for a few of these.

Sunshine – This looks to be a dark and depressing sci-fi from the director of 28 Days Later. AM

Sin City 2 – This truly is an unneeded sequel. Some may be eagerly anticipating this, but I’m not. FIIK (Generosity yet again)

Spy-Hunter – A film based upon a video game. This genre hasn’t fared so well in the past, but I’m actually looking forward to this. The game Spy-Hunter really has no plot, so even if the film has no plot, who gives a shit? It’s just about a spy in a kick-ass car that drives around and blows shit up. Although I don’t know how good of a spy you can be when you drive around in a chromed car that turns into a speedboat. That’s a tad conspicuous. This Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson which gives me a little bit of hope since I actually enjoyed him in the movie Doom. AM

Day of the Dead – I liked the Dawn of the Dead re-make. I may like this remake as well, but honestly, I usually hate zombie films. FIIK

Highlander: The Source – As a nerd, I should say that I love Highlander. I like Highlander, and that’s about it. FIIK

The Punisher 2 – I would be a liar if I said I didn’t like the 1st one. I shouldn’t like it, because it honestly wasn’t all that good, but I’m definitely glad the sequel has a greenlight. SY

That’s it for now. I know I probably misspelled some actor or director names, which I really can’t stand doing, but I’m too lazy to look every name up on the IMDB right now. Live with it.

Blogs and Nerdery

One of the reasons I got a blog was because it seemed like a good way to stay knowledgeable on that happening of friends on such. Another reason I got a blog was because a few aforementioned friends already had a blog of their own. Now that I have a blog, it seems as though the other people I know with blogs never freaking post on a regular basis. Even the so-called, big-shot, college grad “Writer and author” I know hardly posts.

I’m not upset by this in the least. Rest assured, I’m not planning any of your deaths, at least not for this reason. I just enjoy hearing what my friends have to say. At the very least, you’re all mildly entertaining. Some people sit around and spend hours reading MySpace pages of random people. How is that rewarding? Honestly, I don’t give a shit about what some guy in Portland thinks about his wife’s Cheesy Bacon Casserole.

Enough of that. At least we’re not part of MySpace. Only tools have MySpace pages, unless you’re the one friend of mine who does have a MySpace page, in which case I say, I didn’t know you read my blog.

Shane and I have started buying the new World of Warcraft trading card game a few weeks ago. I used to mock people who went crazy over the Magic cards, and I still do as a matter of fact. Shane and I payed a few games, and it can be entertaining once you get the hang of it, but there are certain things I don’t think I can do in good conscience. For example, having a 30-sided dice, or is it die, can really help the game go smoother. I don’t think I can buy a 30-sided dice. Buying a multi-sided dice will push me to a new level of Nerd that I don’t want to enter. If I cross that line, I’ll find myself buying D&D books, Warhammer miniatures, and attending game cons looking for the rare Blue Orc Magic card #245 of 450 to complete my set, or some item like that, all while dressed an a ENT from Lord of the Rings. That shit isn’t going to happen. I can bring myself to buy a few cards, and I can even bring myself to play a game or two on occasion, but there are certain things I just can not do. If anyone has a 30-sided dice you want to give me, that’s fine, but I ain’t buying one. Even just buying the cards is straddling the nerd line. When I bought a few packs at a GameStop last week, the clerk started rambling in depth about certain rare cards, night elves, and something called Onyxia. I had no fucking clue what he was talking about and I was damn near ready to jump over the counter and hurt him severely. I guess there are two types of nerds. The first type is the quiet nerd who would be happy if no one else knew he bought nerdish things. This nerd will not let his nerdish hobbies consume every aspect of his life. This is the type of nerd I am. The second type of nerd is the one who wants everyone to know that he has a level 70 white wizard with the Staff of Thartual. This nerd sees no problem with going to an anime convention dressed as a Japanese schoolgirl being attacked by a tentacle porn monster. This is the type of nerd who will die a virgin.

So you all know, the crack about a nerd going to a con dressed as a schoolgirl being attacked by a tentacle porn monster wasn’t just a clever joke. Sadly, I know someone who did that. Thankfully, it was a female who was dressed as a Japanese schoolgirl. This person invited me along to an anime convention. I said no as politely as possible, and I did it without bursting into laughter. I’m proud of myself. Of course, she won’t die a virgin because she is female, but a man in the same situation certainly will.

Well, I’m out of things to say. When I blog next, it will be about the upcoming movies that you should see, and those you should avoid, in the coming year.

X-Mas

Christmas is finally over. I have to say, this has perhaps been the best Christmas I’ve had in a while, and this is why:

First, I found humor at the one church service I’ve gone to all year. In one of the gifts from my mother, there was a Canadian dime. How that made it into the package, no one knows. For some reason, I found it real god damn funny when I threw that into the collection plate during the service. It’s the first time I’ve donated money to a church, but they can’t even use it. I’m just picturing the pastor sorting the money, coming across the Canadian dime, and cursing like a sailor.

Secondly, we’ve been in our apartment for a year now. Last year, at this time, we didn’t have everything unpacked and it felt less like a home. This year, we had the tree set-up and it was our first Christmas together in our own place.

Thirdly, There were many gifts under the tree. Last year, we didn’t have a lot of money, so I wasn’t able to get Samantha very much. It felt great to be able to give so much. We were also able to give our family and friends a little more than we had in the past. Sure, it’s good to receive, but this year, I enjoyed the giving part a lot more. And to those friends reading this who normally receive gifts from me, or to those who just got married, your gifts are coming. I’m just a slow bastard when it comes to getting to the post office, and you’ll just have to live with it.

Fourthly, I received great gifts. Yes, I know I just said the giving was better, and it was, but it’s still nice to get a few good things. Here is what I personally received: $75 cash, $20 Barnes and Noble gift card, a sweater, a Far Side desk calendar, A DeWalt cordless drill, a pair of Grinch boxer shorts, Media Manager software for PSP, Killzone Liberation game for PSP, and a 1:18 scale WWII-era German anti-tank cannon for my G.I. Joe collection. There were a few gifts for both Samantha and I which were: A rice steamer, a full set of bath towels, a set of really nice coasters, a candle, a $25 Target Gift card, a Christmas ornament, and a book full of tasty cocktail recipes.

Fifthly, I ate at the Texas Roadhouse. That’s the place to go if you want a damn good steak. I was looking forward to the 16 ounce prime rib, and it did not disappoint. Normally, I wouldn’t eat that much meat in one sitting, but I don’t get to go there often, so I cram as much beef down as I can while I’m there.

Lastly, my mom and I went shopping at a few places this morning. The day after Christmas is usually accompanied by maddening crowds of assholes all trying to push themselves closer to the rack of 50% off wrapping paper and assorted trinkets. At both Target and Wal-Mart, the aisles were near empty. I’m not sure if it was the snow still on the ground, but something kept people from going crazy, and I was thankful for that.

Of course, there were a few negative occurrences this last week. There was the blizzard. There was the walk 2 miles through the snow to get a goddamn turkey. There was me losing my keys somewhere in that 2 miles. Shit happens though, and I can forget all that because the rest of the time was grand.

I’m quite sure that all of this Christmas cheer will wash off of me in a day or two, and then I’ll be back to the selfish, angry, insensitive individual most of you know me as. Until then, I hope that all of you had a great Christmas.

Happy New Year…….Bitches.

When you don't have to care

Having a second job that you don't really really need has its benefits. The main one being: I don't have to give a shit. It feels good to not have to worry about impressing the bosses or saying the right things to keep the job. If I get fired tomorrow, it doesn't matter. It really is a liberating feeling. I called in sick 2 days in a row. I really was sick the first day. I didn't feel like going in the second day.

This freedom I have is going to come in handy tomorrow when I talk to the store manager. This week's schedule came out on Saturday. The week starts on Sunday so it's not like they give us much time to plan our week anyway. On that schedule, I was to start work tonight at 5. On that schedule, I had tomorrow night (Wednewsday) off. On that schedule, I had this next Saturday off. I came in today after being sick the last 2 days to find my schedule completely changed. Now I had to work at 6:30 tonight instead of 5. I have Thursday night off instead of Wednesday, and I have to work Saturday.

Any place of employment that changes a schedule like this without asking or telling the employee about the change isn't worth working at. It's unethical and, quite frankly, a piece of shit thing to do. So I'm going to talk to the the store manager tomorrow. Tim is his name. I may just call him Timmy and see how he handles it. I'll tell Timmy that I'll accept the Wednesday/Thursday change, but there's no way in hell I'm working Saturday. It's not that I've made any plans, but it's the principle of the matter. Timmy can take me off the schedule for Saturday or Timmy can become enraged when I tell him to kiss my ass.

People say that one isn't supposed to burn bridges when leaving a job, but at the same time, employers aren't supposed to change employee's shedules at a whim and expect them to alter the rest of their lives to fit. If I burn this bridge, so what? Libraries aren't going to need a reference from ToysRUs. I've got almost ten years worth of perfect employment history that speaks for itself.

It feels so damn good to not have to give a shit.