This post may be a bit long for some of you with a short attention span. I will get to both the DVD reviews and a review of MI3 if you stick with me.
So, after going on my vacation and having to come back to Denver, I've realized how great Denver really is. Sure, it has its issues, but it's certainly no Nebraska. I do miss aspects of Nebraska, such as the friends I've left behind in the squallor, but it's really nice not being a hick anymore. And believe me, even with my education and upbringing, I was still partially a hick. Living in Denver, I don't hear the redneck analogies that I used to hear all of the time in Nebraska. Here's a list of analogies I've heard while in Nebraska:
"Cute as a sack full of puppies."
"It's been hotter'n a goat's ass in a pepper patch."
"She's uglier than homemade soap."
"I'm on it like a pack of dogs on a three-legged cat."
And one of my personal favorites: "He's moving faster'n a striped-ass ape with his balls on fire!"
As for that last one...COME ON! Now you're just making shit up! The rest kind of make sense, but really, the last one? First of all, what is a striped-ass ape and does it really move all that fast in the first place? Secondly, with its balls on fire, would this ape move fast or would it just stand there screaming while pounding his gonads with his fists in a vain attempt to put out the fire? I'll give credit where credit is due for the creative redneck analogies, but they have to at least make sense. Even though I've lost a lot of my hick-heritage, I can at least create some good analogies. Take this one for instance: "It's slicker'n a greased up pig in a wicker basket." You see, that's what makes a redneck analogy good, the repitition of fact. I could have just said that it's slicker than a greased up pig, and you would have gotten the idea that it's pretty damn slick, but I took the extra step and added the wicker basket part. Does it make a lot of sense? Well of course not, but no one hearing that statement would ever think that a greased up pig in a wicker basket wouldn't be slick.
Let's move on to someone who isn't very slick, for it's time for:
Stupid MotherFucker of the Week
This award goes to a woman who was in line in front of me at a Target in Kansas. She put her debit/credit card into the little keypad thing. This is how the transaction went down:
Checker: "If you don't want to run it as a debit card, tap Cancel, then tap Credit."
Stupid Bitch: "So I tap Credit now? Oh, so you'll just send me a bill for this?"
Checker: *Stunned silence*
It's a fucking bank card you ignorant slut. Sure, it's Kansas, but Kansas has had electricity and bank cards for at least 3 years now. Learn the basics you freakin' moron! This is why I'm glad I don't work retail anymore.
So yes it's movie review time. I saw Mission Impossible 3 the other night, or as the young hipsters call it: MI3. So, the question is: Is this film any good?
Well, the general feeling on the first two MI movies is that the first, while good, was a bit slow and confusing, while the second one was a piece of crap filled with unexplainably unperformable action scenes. MI3 is definately the best in the series, but like I said, that isn't saying much comparing it to its predacessors so we'll judge it on its own merits.
First of all, the director J.J. Abrams knows how to set up the tension and develop characters. He, unlike John Woo, doesn't need to fill the entire movie with explosions to entertain the audience. The television show Lost, which Abrams created and produces, isn't filled with a lot of gunshots or explosions, but when they do appear, they mean more because we truly care abut the characters and what happens to them due to good development. Abrams really can't develop Cruise's character very much, but he sets up the supporting characters as much as possible without slowing the film down.
As for the tension, Abrams starts it from the very beginning. The opening scene isn't an action packed intro to Ethan Hunt's character like we've seen before, instead it's a tense scene that lets you know how fucked Ethan Hunt is going to be as the film progresses.
The acting is pretty good. I still think Tom Cruise tries to be Tom Cruise a bit too much. I can't explain it any other way than that. It's not an unbelievable performance, but it could be better. As for Hoffman's performance as the main villian Owen Davian, Sweet Christman that Hoffman guy is good. He transforms what could be a third-rate villian into the guy that would beat you to death with a burlap sack full of puppies just by his protrayal of the character. A side note of trivia about the villian: Originally Kenneth Branagh was to be the villian but had to drop out due to other commitments. THANK FUCKING GOD. Hoffman makes the movie better with his acting where as Branagh would have just pissed me off with his "Oh look at me, I'm so damn good" attitude.
This film does have a problem or two. J.J. Abrams likes throwing plot twists into his shows. Watch Lost or Alias for many examples. The main plot twist is obvious from the start. If you're going to throw a plot twist at us, at least make it a bit less obvious. I didn't hear a single person in the audience make one of those "I'm so shocked" gasp that you can hear if you really listen in a crowded theater.
Overall, it was a darn good film. Another plus is that you don't have to watch the first 2 to watch this one. Each movie is its own self contained story.
Put on your funny hats because it's DVD time! Tomorrow's releases are:
- Con Air: Extended Unrated Edition - An entertaining film, but I've always been annoyed by Cage's stupid-ass accent that's completely unbelievable.
- Enemy of the State: Extended Unrated Edition - Once again, not a terribly bad film, but it has its problems. Chances are the extra footage won't amount to much.
- Napoleon Dynamite: Like, the Best Special Edition Ever! - So many people have told me that I need to see this film that I've rebelled against those tools and haven't watched it yet. Maybe it's good, and maybe it sucks, but when everyone tells me I "Need" to see it, I don't really feel like I "Need" to see it as much.
- The Producers (Widescreen) - I'm not too sure about this one. I like good theather as much as the next artsy-guy, but sometimes theater-to-film transfers end up feeling like just another attempt to make more money. Take Rent for example. I couldn't watch more than 20 minutes of that crap. Just pay your GodDamn rent and shut the fuck up.
- When a Stranger Calls - We've traced the shitty movie, and it's coming from inside this DVD! That was a forced joke, but face it, it was mildly funny.
That's it. I'm spent.
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