FUCK TITLES!!!

If this were a normal week, I'd have posted yesterday, but this isn't a normal week, so piss off.

But read my blog before you piss off.

It isn't a normal week because I called in sick to work yesterday, hence no internet access to post. Also, I'm going on vacation this Friday so that makes this week doubleplus good. Of course, this vacation means that I may not get to post here for the next two Mondays.

It's cold here. I mean it's "it snowed yesterday" cold. Aren't we supposed to be enjoying lovely spring weather now, not more freakin' snow? I've finally got a balcony of my own at my apartment and I can't even enjoy it. On Sunday, when it was nice outside, I was enjoying the balcony until the hail started to reign down upon me. That Mother Nature is one cruel bitch.

I'm actually going to start an award on this Blog and I will do so every week hereafter. This award will be called:
Stupid MotherFucker of the Week
The winner of the first award given goes to Marge, a checker at a Denver area Wal-Mart. Marge may do a lot of stupid shit each and every day, but it was her exceptional stupidity on the night of Friday, April 21 that really impressed me. My friend Shane had an item that he wanted Marge to scan to determine the price of said item. You see, there was no price on the item. Marge looked at the barcode on the back of the package and said to us: "This isn't going to scan, the barcode is gone." In actuality, the barcode was intact, however, the numbers under the barcode had been torn off. Marge was ignorant enough to believe that the scanner read numbers and not the complex machine-readable barcode above the numbers. She started to argue with us that it wouldn't scan until Shane passed it over the scanner, causing both a beep from the register, and an awed gasp from Marge. So, here's to you Marge, the first Stupid MotherFucker of the Week Award, for spending 8 hours a day, 5 days a week at a register and not having a fucking clue how the scanner works. Congratulations you ignorant whore.

Because of my absence for the next few weeks, I think I'll review the upcoming DVDs for today and the next 2 Tuesdays so that you mindless lemmings don't have to think for yourselves.

Today:

• 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (1997) - A made for television adaptation of the classic story. Another made for television version was debuted around this same time oddly enough. One starred Ben Cross as Captain Nemo; however, this one stars none other than Michael Caine as Nemo. I've heard conflicting reports on this version, but since it's Caine, I'll try to find it to give it a rent.
• Aeon Flux: Special Collector's Edition (Widescreen) - Quite possibly one of the worst reviewed movies of the year. Even though I'd like to see it, I'll admit that it probably Sux Dich.
• American Dad! Volume 1 - Admitidly not as good as Family Guy, this show does elicit a good laugh or two from time to time. Patrick Stewart lends his voice to this show, so there's at least one reaon to buy it.
• Dr. Dolittle 3 - I can hear my excrement talking, and it says that it stinks less than this film. Eddie Murphy isn't in this, and he thought Beverly Hills Cop 3 was a good choice. A clue? Perhaps....
• Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children - Another beautifully animated feature from Square. Unfortunately, I've heard this movie is a bit confusing if you've never played the game it's based on, which I haven't. I'll still rent it though.
• The Replacement Killers (Extended Cut) - Awwww, I just bought the regular release 4 months ago. Why couldn't I have waited?
• The Wedding Singer: Totally Awesome Edition - Dude!! This release is like, so totally unnecesary!

May 2:

• 3rd Rock from the Sun: Season 4 - This is right about the time this show starts to go downhill.
• Dinosaurs: The Complete First and Second Seasons - You have to remember this show! I remember it being funny, but I also think wheelchair jokes are funny.
• Leave It to Beaver: The Complete Second Season - Now, I was never a huge fan of this show, but how is it that all 4 seasons of Knight Rider are released before all the seasons of a television classic such as this? It makes no sense at all.
• Red Dwarf VIII: The Original and Extended Series - British humor in space. Now if only they would release the BlackAdder series' on DVD, I'd be a happy man. Well shit. I just found out BlackAdder has been released on DVD.

May 9:

• Big Momma's House 2 - I pray to Xorajhim and his kill-drones that I never have to endure this filth.
• Munich (2-Disc Limited Edition) - I'm putting this on my definate rental list.
• The Poseidon Adventure: Special Edition - Just in time for the remake to hit theatres. This was a pretty good film. GodDamn depressing though.
• Rumor Has It... (Widescreen) - Not that I'm the type of person to gossip, but I've heard through my cousin Carrie who heard it from my Aunt that this movie blows hard.
• Scrubs: The Complete Third Season - One of the few sitcoms I can watch without being nauseated by the obvious jokes that most all other sitcoms call comedy.

I could review more, but it's about lunchtime and I need me my food.

OK, Piss off now.