A New Day Has Dawned...

And it's a Monday, so it already sucks.

Last week, I promised you monkeys, and fear not, the monkeys shall soon be here. But first, I shall rant.

The world is becoming too easy. Coming from me, one of the laziest people I know, this really means something. Technology and convenience have made people stupid and impatient. For instance, Google reigns supreme on the internet. Why take the time to actually verify your information when you can Google it and blindly accept what it says? Google makes the internet too easy. Books on tape. I've never understood this concept. "I guess I'll buy this audio book because I don't have time to sit down and read this book. I'll listen to it while doing 12 other things so I'll never fully comprehend the story." People are now too stupid and lazy to actually read. And you can't say that "I'm just busier then I've ever been." That's bullshit. Numerous studies have proved that, on average, people actually have more free time now then they had in the past. I didn't "Google" that either. Soup-on-the-Go, or whatever the microwavable soup in a travel cup is called. People actually used to make homemade soup, as hillbilly as it sounds. Hell, my mother still does. Now we're in such a "rush" that we need soup to go? You need to eat on the go huh? Ever heard of a "sandwich?"

Oh yes, there's more, but for pacing reasons, I had to start a new paragraph. Pacing is a literary term if you need to know. Cell phones. When I worked for T-Mobile, customers would be upset if we wouldn't give them another free phone after they dropped their 1st free phone in the toilet. How dare us make them pay for a second phone?! Because this technology is everywhere, people don't see the value of it anymore. They don't understand that these cell phones really are a technological marvel. We used to have rotary phones for christsakes people. It took so long to dial on one of those things that if you needed to dial 911, you had better start dialing before the accident. Cell phones aren't just a cordless phone. They're also a camera, calculator, gameboy, MP3 player, organizer, internet browser, IM service, clock, stopwatch, voice memo recorder, and conversion tool. Except for the MP3 player, my phone does all of those things, and it's a cheap phone. Shit, when calculators first came out, they cost hundreds of dollars. Now you want a second cell phone for free? I'm surprised the cell phone providers give out the first one free actually. You see, convenience has made people stupid.

This leads me to the last observation I've made on convenience: Bookbags/backpacks with wheels. You see, I work at this respiratory hospital library right next to a private elementary school that this hospital runs for children who can't attend regular schools due to their respiratory conditions. Every day, about 3:00 p.m., these children get out of school and walk past the library. These tubby little children are walking past pulling their rolling backpacks behind them acting like it's such a chore. It's called a "back"pack for a reason you little bastards. Maybe you wouldn't be so goddamned fat if you actually did some work. I'm sure that actually carrying your 1 inch think basic mathbook, box of crayons, and plastic pencil sharpener would physically drain you to the point of exhaustion. Time to replace that lost energy with some healthy after-school snacks. "MOM!?! MOM!?! Can you get me some Twinkies and a pop? I'm tired from pulling my bag. MOM?!?!"

Moving on now. I guess the only thing left to do is review the DVD releases for this week. And what do we have this week? We have...MONKEYS! YAY!!!!! They aren't all monkey related, but statistically speaking, a lot are indeed monkey-ish in nature.

• Doctor Who: The Beginning Collection - This release is times nicely with the American debut of the new Doctor Who series a little over a week ago. Not that I'll buy this, but I thought it was worth mentioning to my nerdish companions who may read this. You know who you are.
• Godzilla (Monster Edition) - Yes, this is the 1998 remake. I think I'll pass on this. It wasn't horrible, but it was in no means good either.
• King Kong (2-Disc Special Edition) - Yes, this is the 2005 remake. I think I'll pass on this. It wasn't horrible, but it was in no means good either. I only had to write one review for two movies. I'm so damn good. Might I add, this is todays first sighting, of a MONKEY!!!!
• King Kong (1933, Single Disc) - ANOTHER MONKEY!!!! Well, it's the same monkey in theory. But also different. I'm confused now.
• Memoirs of a Geisha (Widescreen) - This made-for-women-everywhere movie just doesn't appeal to me in the least. Plus, I've heard it wasn't all that good. Critics can be wrong however.
• Planet of the Apes: Ultimate DVD Collection - A box full of MONKEYS!!!! Not just one monkey....but 9 MONKEYS!!! (1) Planet of the Apes (2) Beneath the Planet of the Apes (3) Escape from the Planet of the Apes (4) Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (5) Battle for the Planet of the Apes (6) Planet of the Apes TV Series (7) Return to the Planet of the Apes Cartoon Series (8) Planet of the Apes 2001 remake and...... (9) Ape Head Packaging!!! Look at it here if you don't believe me: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000E6ESG2/ref=ase_comingsoon/102-0074721-8524913?s=dvd&v=glance&n=130&tagActionCode=comingsoon I know, Apes aren't really monkeys but you can shut the hell up now and go buy this.
• Quantum Leap: The Complete Fourth Season - I've just leapt into boredom.
• Robot Chicken Vol. 1 - An Adult Swim new-classic. There may be a few monkeys on this show now and then, but I can't confirm this so we'll leave it off of the monkey list.
• A Sound of Thunder - I heard this movie was shit. I'm not talking quasi-shit here, I'm talking about absolute, undenyable, festering shit. This is a movie that a monkey might conceiveably fling.
• Super Mario Bros. Super Show - What do we have here? Why it's...the final MONKEY!!!!! How you ask? Because Mario made his original appearance alongside Donkey Kong, who is infact, a MONKEY!!! Now Donkey Kong may not make an appearance in this show, I can't remember, but Mario owes his origins to a monkey and that puts it on the Monkey List. Being on the Monkey List doesn't mean I'll buy it though. This was one of the worst television shows.......ever.

Now a lot comes out next week, but sadly, no monkeys. Maybe next week I'll say something of value here.

Probably not.