A journey into madness

Yes, while I was on vacation, I stayed with my parents for a few days. I'm curious how I managed to live with them for 18 years when I can't seemingly stand to be around them for more than 5 hours at a time. My dad is the type of guy who thinks he's a lot funnier than he actually is. I mean I tell some stupid jokes, but my dad makes CarrotTop look like a fuckin' comic genius. My mom is one of the nicest people I know, unless she's taling about my father. All the woman does is bitch and complain about him. I sure do bitch about a number of things, but I don't concentrate all of my rants on one subject.....unless you consider "life" one large subject.

On the whole, my vacation was good. Let me list some good points of the vacation in chronological order.

• On Saturday, we hung out with John, his wife, and a few others at his apartment. I realized that I am the master at Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture Edition. If anyone wants to challenge me, you're free to do so, but I'll warn you now: You'll only end up in the fetal position crying about the only thing you'll ever possess: Stupidity.
• Sunday and Monday was spent in Blair and Omaha with a few fine homies. Normally, this wouldn't be enough to drown my boredom, but since I haven't seen these chums in a year and a half, or more, it was nice.
• Tuesday I found a Marvel Legends Goliath and Dark Phoenix figures at the small town Wal-Mart my mom used to work at. I have been looking for these elusive sons-of-bitches for a year now. That right EBay scalpers, you heard me: FUCK OFF!!! I was so happy I almost peed myself. Actually, I might have peed myself, I was so happy that the rest of the day is shrouded in a haze.
• Wednesday - Went to Lincoln to shop with the parents. That wasn't so good, but I ate at a place called Whiskey Creek. The name alone begs one to eat there. A half rack of ribs and a crapload of BBQ pork later, I went to shop for toys. Unfortunately, I didn't find any good toys. I probably would have found some good ones had I gone sooner and not stuffed my gullet full of flesh. DAMN MY GLUTTONY!
• Thursday was a day for relaxation. I bought a bunch more plastic tubs to store toys in and spent the day cataloging and packing it up for easier storage. That may not sound like a good day to anyone else, but it's a big project and I'm always glad to work on it. After all, I do have 500 or so packaged figures that need to be properly stored.
• Friday was a day devoted to my pal Brian. We went to see Saw II because he wanted to see it. While it was better than the 1st film, it was still a mediocre movie. The best part of the day was instigating arguments between Brian and his wife, Jolene. It's funny to see other people fight in the front seat while you sit in the backseat chuckling gleefully at your fruitfull machinations. They didn't even realize I was doing it. That's what they get for making me ride in the backseat. I called Shotgun damnit. It isn't my fault Jolene doesn't recognize and respect it when someone calls "shotgun." There are rules that should NEVER be broken, and this is one of them.
• Saturday we came back to Denver. That wasn't so great because it meant the return to work, school, and the mundane heap which is my life. The good part was when I got back, I had $80 worth of G.I. Joe toys to open and play with waiting for me.

As for our next vacation, Sam wants to go to California to see her family. I don't. I would rather kill myself with a bottle of Drano, go to Hell and sit on a really hot fucking coal, and be fed Peeps and Black Licorice every day until I puke out my organs only to have it repeated the next day and the next for all of eternity. Unfortunately, I don't think I have much say in the matter.

Christmas is coming up as I'm sure you all know. I'll make it easy on you and just tell you what I want:

Drano. A big bottle of Drano.