You've read this one already..

I just changed the title.

This weekend, in between kicking Shane's ass in LazerTag and cooking a damn fine casserole, I decided to watch some old movies. Not old like Citizen Kane, old like 12 years ago old. You see, I was able to pick up DVD copies of Mortal Kombat and Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. When I was 15 years old, I though Mortal Kombat was an enjoyabe action film based off of an enjoyable series of games. When I was 17, I thought Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (MKA) really sucked more than anything could possibly suck. I wanted to watch these 2 films again to see if my opinions had changed, as they do with films sometimes. My thoughts are as follows:

Mortal Kombat : Wow. This film wasn't as good as I had remembered. Now it isn't horrible, and I still enjoy it for what it is, but some of the acting is just horrible. I must say though, I quite enjoy the character of Kano as played by Trevor Goddard. It is exactly how he should be played and it saddens me that if Kano is ever in another MK film, Trevor won't be playing him since the dumbass died of a drug overdose in 2003. And the guy playing Johnny Cage also was a good fit. Some of the special effects, like Reptile, really suck too, at least by today's discerning moviegoer's eyes. Yeah, this movie is cheesy, but still kind of fun.

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation: I was really hoping that this film was better than I had remembered it. It, in fact, is worse. Now, I enjoy action movies, but this film is ridiculous. This is the action movie equivalent of a porno film. Two minutes of shittly plot, followed by 5 minutes of sex, or in this case, fighting. Repeat that over and over and you have the film. This had 2 major negative effects on the film. 1: I got God Damn tired of watching people fight really fast. 2: The final battel between Liu Kang and Shao Kahn at the end of the film looses all importance because it's just another fight. Near the end, I was so tired of mindless fights, I was really hoping that Liu Kang and Shao Kang would resolve their problems over a thrilling game of Mortal Kheckers, complete with a thumping techno beat.

This wasn't the only bad part of the film. There are so many, I just have to talk about some of them because they're so damn bad!

The acting is even worse than that of the 1st movie. The casting makes no sense. Alot of the characters from the 1st film are recast, and recast poorly. The plot is really only there to set-up the next fight. This movie is supposed to take place immediately after the first, yet the characters are wearing different outfits at the beginning of this film. There is a scene where Sonya Blade gets covered, and I mean absolutely covered in mud, yet in the next scene, she looks like she has never even seen mud and her white tank top looks like it just came out of the wash. The effects in this film suck too, especially when Liu Kang and Shao Kahn turn into dragons near the end. Yep, you heard right, they turn into dragons to fight. Which is really fucking pointless since about 3 minutes later, they turn back into their human forms for the "final" battle. I had thought that the final battle had been going on for 5 minutes already, but apparently not.

My final rant about this piece of crap are the costumes. The filmakers kept all the outfits exactly as they are in the game, but they don't translate to film at all. This is the perfect example of how when an outfit works in one form, such as a comic or game, it doesn't necesarily work on film. Nightwolf looked like a bad-ass Native American in MKIII. He looks like a gay Indian in the movie. And purple spandex doesn't work on ANY character in ANY movie.

I hated this film and I like a lot of shitty action films, but this one is too damn bad even for me. In fact, this film was so bad, that after watching it, I couldn't remember what about the 1st film I thought was bad. It's like fuckin' Shakespeare compared to the 2nd. A third film, Mortal Kombat: Devastation, is in pre=production now, and I'm hoping for the sake of the Earth itself, that's it's an improvement. The casting is going back to the first film so hopefully they do the whole "Highlander 2" scenario and totally ignore that the 2nd film ever happened.

Alright, enough about films that no one gives a rat's ass about. On to the DVD releases for tomorrow and I must say that finally the drought is over and we've got some good shit hitting the shelves tomorrow, although most of it is suppled by DC.

• The Adventures of Superboy: The Complete First Season - Honestly, I can only remember seeing like 1 episode of this when it was on the air in 1988 and I can't even remember if it was good or not. For some reason though, I'm kind of excited to pick it up and give it a try. Apparently, the cast changed, including Superboy, after season one and the show was much better for seasons 2-4.
• Adventures of Superman: The Complete Third and Fourth Seasons - The old timey classics, which I've never actually watched.
• Eight Below (Widescreen) - Oh joy. A Disney movie satrring Paul Walker and a bunch of sled dogs. I'm taking a guess here by saying that the dogs are better actors than Paul Walker.
• The Hills Have Eyes (Unrated) - I'm getting tired of every shittly horror movie being released as "Unrated." How about you just release the cut you want to release in the first place? Two more minutes of gore isn't going to make me want to see the fim any more than I had wanted to in the first place, which wasn't much at all.
• Justice League: Season Two - WOOOT!!!!
• Krypto: The Superdog, Volume One - Cosmic Canine - There are a lot of DC themed releases this fine day, but this is one I'll be passing on.
• Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman - The Complete Third Season - Meh. I never really got into this show.
• Look, Up in the Sky: The Amazing Story of Superman - Documentaries are for sissues.
• Lady and the Tramp II: Scamp's Adventure - Disney is really good at making meaningless sequels just to rake in the money, and sadly, most of them suck.
• Night Watch (Nochnoi Dozor) - I've heard so many different opinions on this Russian film that I really want to see it to form my own opinion. It looks good from the previews anyway.
• Superman: The Animated Series - Volume Three - Another DC release that I must have.
• Superman: Brainiac Attacks - This is a new film that, like the Superman Animated Series, uses Tim Daly as the voice of Superman. The Justice League toon used another voice actor. I'll buy this too.
• Syriana (Widescreen) - I unfortunately was unable to see this in the theatres so I'm really looking forward to seeing it now. George Clooney is the shit.

And that's it. You see, I told you that this week was better than the last few. Always listen to Crow and you'll come out ok. Next week, we're back to the suckage.