You know what they say...

Sometimes, life gives you lemons. Sometimes, life takes a giant shit on your head after ass-raping you for over an hour with a broom handle. Let me explain how shitty this week has been.

BAD SHIT #1: Last month, Samantha gets into a car accident when she's rear-ended by a stupid bitch who isn't actually paying attention to driving. Sam was in one of those on-ramp style turn lanes that merges onto the cross street. Sam was just waiting for traffic to pass and the woman behind her plowed into her full speed. The car ended up being totaled, so we had to go buy a new car.

We purchased a Mazda 3 for Sam. Sam loves the Mazda 3, and I've always been partial to Mazdas. My 1st car was a Mazda, and my current vehicle is a Mazda.

We got the $500 refund check for the deductible we paid yesterday. I deposited it on my lunch hour today. The check hasn't even cleared yet.

So Sam and I are in the fancy new Mazda 3 this evening driving to Chili's for dinner. I'm behind the wheel. I go to turn onto Hampden Ave from Broadway using one of those same style on-ramp merge lanes when the stupid-ass bitch behind me REAR ENDS ME! REAR END THE NEW GODDAMN CAR THAT WE HAVEN'T EVEN MADE ONE FUCKING PAYMENT ON YET!

I'm usually a pretty calm person in situations like this. I mean, I know they're called "accidents" and not "on-purposeidents," but even so, I was about ready to beat the shit out of the cunt. I'll break into my rant to explain that even though I know the word Cunt is derogatory, I just don't give a fuck in this case. The woman deserves it. Plain and simple. Fuck the cunt.

I slowed down to yield for the passing car, both because I had the yield sign, and because the other car had a green light. The woman behind me just keeps on going, and you know what she said to me after the accident? You'll love this, she said "I thought the other guy was going to stop." WHAT THE FUCK? What kind of fantasy world do you have to live in where the guy going 40 mph with the green light stops for the merging traffic with a yield sign? She has to be one of the stupidest fucking whores on the planet.

Now we have to deal with taking the car in and getting a rental YET AGAIN. We have to spend a crap-ton of time on the phone with the insurance company YET AGAIN. We have to pay the $500 deductible and wait for the refund YET AGAIN. All of this because people can't be bothered to actually pay attention when they're driving. People just don't realize that an automobile is a dangerous thing. You're in control of over a ton of metal that goes where you point it. If you're doing 100 and point it at a school, children will die. If you point it at a bus stop, people will die. FUCKING PAY ATTENTION TO THE ROAD. Is that hard to understand?

You'll be pleased to know I didn't beat the shit out of the other driver. I wanted to, oh did I ever want to. I'd like to think I came across as understanding for the few words I spoke to her before calling the police and insurance. Of course, I think she understood how upset we were when my Sam's first words to the insurance rep were "They hit my fucking car again!" I don't remember what I said right after the accident, but according to Sam, I screamed: "MOTHER FUCK, AGAIN? SERIOUSLY? MOTHER FUCK. I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS SHIT!"

I've calmed down a bit since then, but I'm still so very angry.


BAD SHIT #2: I went to the doctor's office last Friday. I wanted antibiotics. I needed antibiotics. They refused to give me any. Now, I'm getting an ear infection. I took enough sick time last week not only staying home, but also to go to the doctors, that I can't afford to take any more to go back. Plus, I paid a co-pay already. I don't want to pay that again. I shouldn't have to pay that again. I'm tired of being sick.

BAD SHIT #3: About two and a half years ago, I bought Sam three pet rats for her birthday. They were named Abacus, Hermes, and Langley. I honestly didn't think I'd care for them at all. Well, I was wrong. Rats are actually quite intelligent animals, and they really do have their own personalities. These 3 rats are brothers. They have spent every day of their lives together. A few months back, Langley died. He got a respiratory infection that he couldn't beat. On Sunday night, we lost Abacus. He too had respiratory issues, possibly cancer. Late Saturday night, into Sunday morning, I could tell he wasn't doing well. I didn't want to go to sleep because I was afraid he'd die alone. It really is heartbreaking to watch a pet struggle and fight for every breath knowing there's nothing you can do, even if it is a rat. Now, Hermes is the only one left. That's heartbreaking too because, like I said, they spent their whole lives together and now Hermes is alone. He's changed since Sunday night. He's moving a lot slower now. He's depressed and he misses his family, and Sam and I can tell. I'd like to be able to say that Abacus and Langley are in a better place now, but I'm not sure if I can say that and believe it. I think they're just gone.