The death of Christ! YAY!!!!

I’m not a highly religious individual, but nonetheless, I was thinking about the Easter holiday while eating lunch today. Specifically, I was thinking about Good Friday. Good Friday is the day when Jesus died upon the cross. Let me cement the point here: Jesus. Died.

Why the fuck would you call it Good Friday? Honestly, I’m pretty sure that, at least for Christians, Jesus dying isn’t something especially good. Some may say it caused good things later, but I doubt the death itself was very good.

Maybe it should be called something else. Bad Friday? Conditions Less than Favorable Friday? This Being Nailed to a Cross Shit Really Fucking Hurts Friday? I’m not saying my suggestions are the best, I’m just saying that “Good” doesn’t really capture the mood of the day quite right.

I was doing a bit of research on Good Friday and learned that different cultures have different names for the day. In much of Eastern Europe, it’s called Great Friday, an even shittier name. In Latin America, it’s called Holy Friday. That’s not too bad. In the Nordic countries, it’s called Long Friday. Once again, not too shabby. The Arab peoples are a bit closer because some of them call it Sad Friday. That seems pretty spot-on. It’s the Chinese though that really describe it properly. Their name for Good Friday translates to “Day of Christ’s Suffering.” There you fucking go! Leave it to the Chinese to actually make sense. It would have been a Good Friday if Jesus had been Chinese. They would have tried to catch him to nail him to the cross, and he would have gone kung-fu on their asses. If that had happened, we wouldn’t have crucifixes hanging in churches, we’d have little statues of Jesus with a pair of Nunchaku.

That actually inspires me to form my own offshoot of Christianity. The Church of the Risen Asskicker. You like the sound of that don’t you? Yes, I know you do.