Perform your Civic Duties

I'm not talking about voting, or military service, or even jury duty. I'm talking about going to see X-Men 3 this coming Friday. It's been widely stated that this will be the last regular X-Men movie made. That is, unless it makes an assload of money at the box office, in which case, the money-grubbing whores at Fox will continue the series. Sure, they haven't confirmed or denied this, but let's face it, they like their money, and continuing a proven series is better than taking a chance on the next shitty idea some hack comes up with.

So go see it and bask in its mutanty goodness.

On to entertainment news: The CW network has apparently passed on the series Mercy Reef. Mercy Reef, if you didn't know, was the Smallville-ized version of Aquaman. Smallville fans are all pissing and moaning because this series wasn't picked up and from a leaked trailer, it appears as if this show would have been good. But it isn't good, and we all know it. Sure, Smallville has a large fan base, but personally, I think it's a rather shittty show. Mercy Reef wouldn't have been any better. Let's put it into perspective. The CW network is a merger between the WB and UPN networks, both of which pretty much sucked except for a few kick-ass cartoons on the WB. I can't even begin to list the shitty shows that were aired and were ultimately cancelled on these two networks. Even the shows that lasted are crap. 7th Heaven my ass, more like 7th Level of Hell. The WB picked up the show Reba, yet the CW passed on Mercy Reef. That has to tell you that Mercy Reef is worse than Reba. How that's possible, I'm not sure. No one can say that the CW admin passed on it simply because it's a "comic book" property. In fact, since comic book properties are in demand right now, you think that would have pushed them to put it on the primetime lineup. I mean, the WB aired Birds of Prey. Fucking Birds of Prey.

Stupid MotherFucker of the Week
Only the winner of this award would scream obscenities at a copy machine because it doesn't do exactly what he wants it to do. Only the Stupidest MoFo would perform this display of childish testosterone in a library. People come to a library to study? Balderdash! Why, it's not your fault the copier is spitting out 100 copies, I mean it's not like, in your ignorance, you actually told it to make 100 copies. So really, it's only fair that you have the right to yell at the copier in a quiet library. It's only right that you start slamming the copier around in a vain attempt to cease its mindless copying. You could have just gone quietly to the library staff and informed them of the problem, which could have been quickly and easily resolved, but you're too efficient to bother with that nonsense. Now, everyone who was in the library at that time knows that the copier is a fucking piece of shit, in fact, people who were out in the hall at the time probably know it too.

Well, I have some advice for you as well as the award. Grow the fuck up. You're a researcher in a medical institution so instead of acting reasonably, you throw a tantrum like a fucking 4 year old. I don't give a rat's ass how shitty your day was up until that point, because no excuse is good enough to allow your behavior. And as for the severe beating you gave the copier: It isn't your wife so knocking it around isn't going to make it cook you dinner faster or stop copying at your command. I'm sure your boss would love to get the repair bill had you actually broke the copier. You not only win the award this week, but you win my contempt. Congratulations.

DVD Releases
Like the bolded section header eh? I'm getting pretty good at this "typing" thing. This is also the Special Your Mom Edition of DVD Releases. See if you can spot the cleverly concealed mom jokes.

• The 4400: The Complete Second Season - I'd watch this, unfortunately I never saw the 1st season. If I'm correct, it's a documentary about your mom and how many people she's had sex with.
• BloodRayne (Unrated Director's Cut) - Another Uwe Boll classic! If I were given the chance to punch one Hollywood director in the face, this would be the guy I'd hit. Video game movies are bad enough without you making them even worse. Just stop. Please, just stop.
• The Boondock Saints (Unrated Special Edition) - This film has a pretty big cult following. I almost feel ashamed that I haven't seen it yet. It, like your mom, is on my to-watch list.
• Boston Legal: Season One - I've given my positive review of this show before and it's definately worth a rental if you have the time.
• Cheaper by the Dozen 2 - Like the 1st film needed a sequel. Don't bother ever seeing this film. I'll be generous and let you make the mom joke for this title since it has so many possibilities. Post the joke in the comments section please.
• Deadwood: The Complete Second Season - Once again, a show that has been praised that I've yet to see. I can't make a mom joke about Deadwood, but I can sure make a joke about you.
• Hollow Man 2 - What? More than 6 people liked the 1st one? Obviously, this is a direct-to-video title. Oh sweet, it stars Christian Slater! If that isn't a reason to see this film, I don't know what is.
• Kingdom of Heaven: 4-Disc Director's Cut - Four fuckin' discs for this film? That's a bit of an overkill if you ask me.
• Samurai Jack: Season 3 - Once again, a show I haven't seen. I feel so alone.
• TransAmerica - Wow, a film about a pre-operative male-to-female transsexual. Gee, I wonder how this film relates to your mother.
• Will & Grace: Series Finale - This show is finally over! Sure, it will always torment me through reruns, but there will never be another new episode of this piece-of-shit show ever again!
• WWE: Wrestlemania 22 - Your mom was originally scheduled to perform is this annual tradition, but unfortunately, she could couldn't get her weight down enough to qualify for the Heavyweight class.

That's it for now. Feel free to advertise both my blog and any of my sexual accomplishments on any bathroom stall you see fit. There should be space on the stall wall right next to your mom's phone number.